@keep-this-confidential.blogspot.com

2011-10-10T17:14:00.002+03:30

so here i am, back at blogging.
always miss this place once in every while because, it still belongs to a part of me:)

have been working for the past month.
it was great...for experience.
but to honest, it made me more sure of the kind of working settings i want to belong with.
seriously, the management over here is... disorganised, not very professional and worse, the staff welfare is doing pretty poorly.
and im hopeful that NFC is doing much better, as so i've heard and seen:)

but i still love the kids, no matter whatever.

however, i still feel that i need so much to be ready to work here. it's like for the past month i havent been using even a fifth of what i'd studied in the past 1 and 1/2 years.
you know, that feeling of being totally incapable.
maybe because they don't need me in the first place then im really thankful for having the opportunity to be here.
i mean, even otherwise, i still am and should be.
but i was just considering about coming here for attachment, because afterall NFC is where i am going to be working at upon graduation and it definitely helps if i get experience...though at the expense of my grades and impression of the company....but i get to be familiar with the settings.
whereas being attached to AKZ ( where im currently at) im more familiar with the children and well, routine and it's much easier for everything else.
but.... not exactly a very good place to stay in for 6months. (sorry but im serious)
i still have a period to think about so.... shall not dwell now.

anw, i really wanna go overseas. a nature trip and an urban getaway.
i dont mind with myself even. because that way i get to appreciate things in a more independent way, having arguments within myself and coming to conclusions of the world all by myself.
sometimes i feel that keeping things to myself can be tiring. but sometimes, confiding in others changes your way of looking at things from the original, yours-truly perspective. and looking back, so many could-haves.
of course, im ever someone who's a better listener than one who confides or gives opinions/ advice.
though i will always want to be there (existently) for people i love and care about so never hesitate to approach me when you need to ok!
like anyone, i feel like i've grown up.
and i believe in how things happen for a reason...that sometimes, we just need to take chances that are laid out for you...even to fall ungraciously. at least it's worth a learning dive.
even though i can be deceiving myself into how things happen, it's a stronger belief that it's part of the destined.
and i'll have nothing to lose becos maybe i just needed to be placed at both ends of a spectrum.
yeah... so much thoughts rushing in without disfunctionally.
well, guess i need lots of sleep. last 4 days of work.
will come back soon! <3
...

to whoever reads:)

thankful, gratified, grateful.

2011-07-24T16:38:00.002+04:30

Back from 4Q Camp.
Just wanna mark this moment amid all rushed assignments and tests.
so i can't write a diary down.
it's awesome to me, had great fun in a really inspired manner.
yeah. i just wanna say that i've learnt about myself, others and life.
it's all about being true to yourself and people and animals around.... spreading your love throughout.
learnt about application methods in life and education and care (esp for children)
i guess this is the best choice i've ever picked and i'm not regretting, despite the initial setback.
i've never felt relaxed and good about myself and others, since a really long time.
and it really matters to me. because i really wanted to feel that... and i'm building more confidence on that for now. and i believe i will continue to.

NOW I JUST WANNA SAY,
everyone...we shall not give up on ourselves, promise?

Broader perspectives, broader contexts, broader hearts.

2011-07-05T17:44:00.003+04:30

Considering my professional development in other Asian markets.
Starting to appreciate my own roots better and to explore more. I guess that's what you become as you mature?
Just a thought, not merely though.
Talked about it to my dad and he actually supported me.
So having further thoughts that it could be PROBABLE.
Afterall i didnt take the advanced Chinese examination for nothing!
Still, the future remains unguaranteed and shall stay this way for now when I have a bond for two years. Who knows a collaboration of both can take place? Well, i shall reserve this thought along with me as I move along!
Till then.

China International Student, My Interviewee for my global report! Very sweet and nice!

[wish me luck for submission this friday!]

HANGING ONTO THE LAST BITS OF VIRTUAL FREEDOM.

2011-06-24T18:43:00.004+04:30

Before anything, a word to peripatetics of random blogs:
Thanks for coming by, even by mistake! I would have thought someone was playing a prank though. hahaha, and smart to speak some language I don't know! :/

that was lame because they are peripatetics, self-explanatory full-stop.
Okay i'm really not aimless, especially when i'm blogging here knowing that practically no one reads it and i have a list of unchecked assignments to (even start to) attempt.
but i couldn't care less you know!!! not that i can not do anything but it- i still have to. but really, my mind's just not in it.
no, maybe i have no clue how because researching can be such a chore, like sourcing for a needle in the ocean, and without light.
gosh, i wish someone sprinkles some inspirational powder spiced up with eagerness to pursue my education. because i can feel guilty feeling this way when i'm sponsored an education with some spares to well, spend.
and bad management too, additional to that.
ARGH ARGH ARGH!
SO, i need/must/definitely have to come up with a saving system or at least safeguard my already eroding bank account. NOT DISCLOSING HERE BUT YOU KNOW- ERODING.
(TYPICAL)
last few weeks have been the peak of all but yes, i give myself a pass for that since its absolutely life-concerning (exaggerating). hahaha, health=wealth right.
ahhhhhhhh, so i was thinking of getting a part-time job but considering so much going on in two days' time plus my extra time for volunteering (new <3), not forgetting bad time management, its pretty challenging for me and any organisation to be flexible enough. so i decided to let it wait- like straight after my first sem of junior ends. OMG I WILL BE SO ESCTACTIC.
because i need to recuperate the loss in my rainy-days-backup for the two hydraulic acid knee jabs and medicine- thats for the least already.
and of course support the cost of maintenace (not really a high one) and going out and travelling with my girlies at the end of the year and back to grandma's town (not hers-hers).
you see that? i'm not getting ambitious, but ahem, desperate. ROAAARRRRRRRRRR!
feeling like an adult, spending like one (monthly bills) but living off without a job and qualification.
peak or plateau huh?
i'm thinking of taking two jobs too. haha excited!!! (wait till, JING)

okay anyway i'm really sick of my sister with her bad-ass annoying attitude to everyone and her boyfriend. yes, i shall not discuss more because sigh, it's mean plus this is worldwide.
keep-this-confidential much? ;D

anw i went to some acupunctual today and guess what, think blood oozing or worse flowing down like a tap. it helped though, although it is a scary both as a thought and experience. include sight as well, ugh.

alright all the random thoughts assembling. i feel so much better after blogging you know!
reverting back as a habit.
shall end here and do a tiny winy bit of preparation before tomorrow's interviewing session.
been a night labourer ever since poly and guess it will stay! :(
takecare peeps.

BURNT.

2011-06-22T11:30:00.003+04:30

uh huh, I'm referring to my face!
i don't know if this should be considered expected at all but i think having my face look like that after a facial doesn't really seem right to me.
just a sneak peek for whoever's curious:

yeah now you know what i mean?
partly why i'm staying home right now.
HOPE IT HEALS TMR!

Anyway! I'm involved and committed in a few volunteering work currently.
It's funny because what I need most out of all my free time should be spent on earning extra cash cause of the recent necessary and impractical spending...really.
Or well, doing my work since I haven't reallt started. (it's second sem! how time flies!)
Yeah, but it's very worthwhile doing it because honestly, it can be draining to do things that are often associated with money because sometimes you begin to miss the gist of it. And it becomes a waste of time, okay at least to me.
Does that imply to why some people often feel the lack of interest or meaning to go to work, because they see it mainly as a way for income?
This wouldn't be what i want in my future job, or any other holding jobs for that matter.
That's why i really enjoy volunteering. Because I always feel that sense of purpose in me at the end of the day. Definitely something different each time- improvements, satisfaction, joy, warmth, disappointment, tears or anything about the truth of life or possibly death...
...BUT NOT CA$H.
:D Help those in need if you have the time, or spare some!

afterall it all boils down to what i'm learning in my modules
-because we are all connected, we are all the same race, Earthings.

Trust

2011-04-29T17:45:00.004+04:30

because that opening up was a demolishing experience.
because i am timid to take another step.
because i am just a little anti-social.
because i have a vivid imagination.
because there are to many 'what ifs'.
because i am fickle.
because i dont rely on beliefs.
becuase i am tooooo sensitive.
because i see the negative side of human.
because i expect too much.

and because i dont even trust myself.

I can't.
trust.
no, not even you. yeah...and i'm sorry.

insightful journey...

2011-04-27T19:55:00.003+04:30

I'm eighteen. yeah...
i know no one really reads hear, if you do, it's just weird ok..considering how i left this blog desolated for so long.
i just wanna say i've learnt so much truths, hard truths about growing up and about myself. and i guess im adapting and very soon i will be fine. but that means i'm still amid this crisis, which is kinda depressing.

it's that lost feeling, like you really dont have any options to choose even though the possibilities are laid out there.
but you are being pulled apart and it makes you really mad- about what or who exactly, i'm really not sure.
promises... they are meant to be broken or people don't really know its existence and importance.
and i'm not so sure about believing it anymore. being doubtful is just part and parcel, and it makes me how i am right now.
i know this might not sound the way it should but i am really learning to accept the real situation as much as you guys may try and although it doesn't really feel okay, i feel settled and at least i know i haven't been obstructive.
it's a deep hollow feeling and sometimes it makes me wonder whether the problem just lies with myself. i can never get through that passage mysel, so i really feel pathetic.
but don't, well please don't feel sorry because thats the last thing i ever need.
i would say just go on with your life just like the way i know how you'll receive happiness.
it's always one thing or another, you can't really have both on an equal measure, this is how the world works and yes i'm learning to accept it and hopefully get over it soon.
what shi lao shi told me was right, i should have known better.

2010-10-14T17:42:00.002+03:30

(don't mind the awul mess behind me)
I'll say Hi and Bye with three random cam-whoring pics.
I AM SOOOOO BORED.

ever since.

2010-10-01T18:03:00.002+03:30

I had a great time working with and getting to know NFC's friendly amd caring staffs, not to mention the facilities at the centres are awesome, modern and interesting.
Got to know the new principals that are on training-some of them soooo young to be one, as well as teachers of different age, race and centres. It's a really cool and an eye-opening experience!
I am really looking forward to joining them in other different activities soon to come!

Anyway, i'm not missing school at all, seriously!
Got my results though and i have to say i'm half pleasantly-surprised and half unsatiable because i thought it was going to be doomed for sure cos i didn't really give it all out like what my friends did. if i knew i would have studied csa carefully to fight for a freaking A! i was so close from it i guess?! failed and still got a B+, weird system.
talk about weird systems, it's even weirder i got Z for ECCE! it's crazy; i'm mad curious how and why i got it; unbelievable news.
omg, absolutely.
not satisfied because oh well, all my friends seem to do better than me. it's crazier, especially the close to 4.0 classmates of mine, i kowtow to them but i know they deserve it, CONGRATS ahh~~!
I'm not obsessed over it anyway, moved on cos life's not everything about results, as long as i can get into a Uni, i'm blessed.

I'm quite proud of myself now. i mean, i tried 3 different areas within the working field: sales, F&B and education!
honestly speaking, sales experience suck all the way down pitless(lol).
i would never wanna do it again at all. lol.
i hope i wont, cos i will be doing my legs a huge favour!
but i kinda slimmed down that period cos only had two meals,
nonetheless, the thought of it makes me creep, i'd rather do admin.
i promise to be nicer to sales assistants now...
f1 @ boathouse was finally over.
the only time i was sitting was on the toilet bowl and perhaps when i'm sleeping(if you consider that since my butt lies on something) yeah, technically that was all.
first day seem pretty exciting, but end of third day i was damn sick of the noise but can actually tahan enough to stand alongside the road at the balcony without ear plugs. crazy experience too, though i had to say it's once in a lifetime.
childcare setting was really fun, got to know other scholars from my sch as well as from NP. learnt new things and developed certain skills, particularly in wrapping stuff haha.
coooooool time spent, still get paid!
but even if they dont pay me, think i will go down for it too, not everyone can do this you know!
look out for striking orange and green centres underneath HDB flats with neutral coloured walls and long windows! my future working place!:D
and yes i attended lessons for dancing just for flashmob for today!
since less than two weeks ago, and 'performed' today!
the still faces on the guests' faces and still positions were really epic. hahaha!
overall it was great.
i must say i'm really fortunate to be one of them here.
okay going to sleep first!!!
take care peeps.

i think i'm enjoying every minute of now.

2010-08-25T20:56:00.003+04:30

i always feel much better after a swim.
as much as my laziness act up often making me feel like i dont feel like going, the feeling afterwards always fails to make me regret going.
which is great. considering i dont have much life right now, except for 'Gossip Girl' and swimming and occasional work.
working next week at sony comex, haha for once gotta be busy, folks!
if i love it, i'll decide to take up the part time sony retail job, as offered today.
i went to sign some papers today, and yeah i've never done sales before!
some sweet but nervous anticipation about this.
i'm quite pleased with the company's vision on the sales part, so it may be why i am still considering. haha.
but then again, i wanna enjoy this time at home, watching shows that i never had time nor was ever interested to watch in the past (i'm always behind trends) and yes sleeping whenever i feel like even after breakfast in the morning (happened a few times already including this').
i am officially a slacker, woohooooo!
haha but given my really swinging interest and mood, who knows what happens next?
okay, meeting ct and nette tomorrow, having lunch at her place and hope to do something constructive for her academics and should i swim too?
yeah you probably should know that you really get to know so much in my blog only, cause i'm not particularly a person who shares a lot outside. [only if you are interested]
okays, i guess that's about it for today.
i am actually in a good mood.
sleep now!

2010-08-21T11:25:00.005+04:30

Remember when I mentioned I needed a sweet escape?
i didn't; only after i read my previous post.
which was a few days before i actually succumbed to all that feelings and convert them all into actions and decisions, which i have always thought i was timid enough not to do them.
okay, I QUIT.
maybe you would have reacted like, 'seriously, how much can your life be any more interesting?' or perhaps you don't give a damn to what kind of sports i do or do not play.
But in my life, that seems a pretty great deal to me-- Netball and being involved and belonging to something i regard as passion. except that i don't now, not that i ever did in the team.
I'm so glad it was just, this team. I loved and love Tampines Secondary's Netball CCA, mostly all the days while i was part of it. We weren't good but i was proud of who we were and i still do.
It was remarkable okay.
As much as i feel down about it, I hope no one feels the same way as I do, especially SL, though she admitted she feels that too.
I hope she'll get in to represent this time, to prove that we the not-so-great, are still capable.
I'm sorry i let myself down, but i feel better, relieved and free now. Not exactly in terms of time, but i've scored that as well. haha, three nights per week(you don't know how much i value staying home after evenings except for rare occasions) it gives me a familiar sense of security.
i am totally weird but
that's not the point though..
yeah, but i just have to express how grateful i was to have my two supportive best friends for me when i seeked support(uh huh), but they gave me more than that that i felt affirmed of where i am standing. they made sure i know what was best for me and weighing pre and post factors.
and yes, of course my senior who even proposed the idea of playing in her club team.
i mean, it doesnt matter so much whether i got in or not, it's her thought. she is just so nice, all along even when i was training, she was able to see what was wrong unlike others who perhaps carried judgemental thoughts. maybe they didnt even care but it's over.
as far as i'm concerned, i need this feeling to carry on although i know it's a matter of time i can feel like i'll miss playing the sport...except that i've often been missing playing it with all my netball babes. (meeting them next monday for dinner! can't wait!)
I guess it's all that matters for me, there's no point doing it all alone when no one else feels the same.
:)

haha anyway i think i really look old.
that was random but very true.

i have been doing this card for Shuting's birthday...
i suppose i won't see her on my blog (not literally) so soon, so yep i've decided to post it here!!! haha kinda proud of myself..haven't done handicrafts for long...
but it's nothing much actually compared to ct's artwork. i must say i'm impressed no matter how much she'll get for O's art.

HEEHEE!

brief mention of yesterday. met up with ct and nette, enjoyed it as usual.
you know, one of the few people whom you always feel at ease and 'yourself' anytime and everytime you hang out with. in fact, the whole 6f group is.
im rushing for work actually, so see you all.

lastly, i miss saying this:
LOVE YA PEEPS:D

inadequate and deprived.

2010-08-13T11:51:00.002+04:30

Alright. I've been home all day, accomplished nothing-not that i have any to, except for the journal logs-and feeling terribly lonely all alone.
I'm still trying to remember when was the last time i felt like there was life, and that was only yesterday thank god.
I just got a confession: Netball trainings are making me feel totally inferior; it's really like completely different from what's me and their standards, and my legs aren't cooperating too much anyway.
Perhaps I'm waiting for an excuse, something like my knees just aren't appropriate for such games anymore.
I dont know? sometimes i feel like i can do this, as long as i perservere, like anything else. But as i go on, i realise it doesn't work at all.
And the doctor's words jsut kept ringing into me, that i shouldnt go for competitive games, cause the main problem's not my knees but emotionally.
i dont know what that means either.

it's like i dont feel belongingness over there. some people are just good, some people can conform and earn respect, some people dont care and earn a place, some people are just too arrogant and there's some, who just cant click in anyway.
Wish i could just flee to somewhere else which needs me better. I really need a sweet escape.

i'm busy-bored.

2010-06-15T08:58:00.002+04:30

perhaps too busy, so many things to do.
and i'm not making any progress!!!
haha, still gotta work later.
yeap, learnt quite a lot while working there. service and all that.
i dont particularly enjoy serving people. but when it comes to the real situation, you just do it without thinking much.
oh well, i guess its the experience... it's kinda tiring...
still dont know when im working until!

okay, three more weeks before i move house! anticipated? i dont know, but its surely a new beginning.
haha, finally, having dinner as a family wasn't that impossible.
and yeah, it is thereafter still my favorite activity as i've mentioned with the class now that i remember.
sister's coming back from malaysia today, she went with her friend and her mum.
hope she had fun:)
okay i need motivation now!!!
yeah, not when im addicted to a korean drama now!
seriously, nowadays shows just like to portray this trend of relationship between older women and younger men. i mean, it's really interesting.
hahaha. kkay, gotta go.
update next time.
enjoy life, peeps!

one up, one breathe, one kick, one glide.

2010-06-09T18:36:00.001+04:30

I LIKE SWIMMING!

AND NETBALL, DUH.

brief reflection.

2010-06-09T10:22:00.002+04:30

today is a fairly good day.
at least i started work... didnt have such an urge to eat as like yesterday.
it's interesting because while i was in the toilet today(doing what you usually do), it suddenly occured to me that i lost my drive in working hard, loving the things that i do no matter how difficult or perceptually unpleasant i feel about it.
i used to so optimistic with life that i was able to twist it to adapt my way of living.
like geography in the past, i used to hate my sec2 geography teacher and subsequently that subject but i got determined to change the way i felt about it.
yeah, and how i see the intentions of the teacher when i put myself into her shoes.
and realised she's actually a good teacher.
that's just one of the examples.
was that why i always seem to look back at the life i own and miss it terribly?
if that's so, which i highly regard so,
I WANT MYSELF BACK.
there are several facts that surfaced upon my reflection which contributes to whatever i am right now.
family and financial issues, aggravated by constant academic pressure and well, other unpleasant things that came along.
i mean, they all happened at that period of time, which happens to be out of poor coincedence and luck.
i could still remember the particular period of time when i would just breakdown in the middle of my mugging. almost the most depressive days of my life.
and now, things are starting to look brighter.
i'm nothing else but thankful.
okay although i know some things are still beyond control, that they are there for a reason because nothing is perfect- and nothing refers to everything that can ever be impeccable.
and when you realise that, somehow it makes it easier to accept things around you
like what my doctor said to me, worry only for the neccessary after you categorise it in your imaginary boundary.
let things turn out the way they will, take life less seriously.
so perhaps you can love yourself a little more each time.
not sure about how you feel, but thats how im feeling right now.
it can't be any more true that your environment and the people around you moulds you, it's so unpredictable.
anyway, i guess this is a turning point, and i will try to work this time to its advantage.
and probably be someone happier!
swimming lessons later!

brain versus brain.

2010-06-02T13:16:00.004+04:30

i miss my sharp(er)face.

that was just to entertain you and me.

it was hell! psychology was hell.

how to study computers! omg.
anyway, i'm working tmr!
the ambience is good but its damn cold there.
and yeah, who would have expect im having test on fri but still chose to work until late at night?
oh well. its CSA after all. not interested!
how ironic, psychology studies has made me mad. half there now.

yeah, my doctor asked me to lose weight cos i was 60 kg when he weighed me!
and the last time i was weighed, i was 54kg.
6kg!
all that eating endlessly without limits. okay, i did stop but yeah before it bursts?
controlling now! anyone wanna join me in the action?

OMEP

2010-05-10T18:21:00.002+04:30

we had OMEP meeting today...
it was alright? we did bookmarks for children and also helped got into different committee.
i got into the special events section. haha, kinda weird.
today's the first but last meeting for the term.
but the next time we are going to children's cancer foundation! so the bookmark's actually for them...
omg i can't wait for that!
haha short posts recently, but nobody reads anyway~~

is it just me or my fate?

2010-05-08T19:57:00.002+04:30

i dont know why history has to repeat itself all the time. that sucks you know, the feeling.
it's horrible.
hais i wanna work!
anyway, something worth cleebrating on my part. I GOT INTO THE NETBALL TRIAL!!!
this is the reason i love this week. the only one.

2010-04-30T21:39:00.002+04:30

i am just very sad and heartbroken now.
i dont blame my sister for it since she's working. but me getting zero, i just cant accept that, its really really bad.
and i submitted the assignment late by a day.
which means 10% gone.
now it's like i just woken up, a little tooo late. and yes in the middle of the might.
i have so many things to do... but i just cant keep up.
and i am really not doing anything considering its the second week alr.
its really depressing.
i need to do something about it.
i just need a push.

rants you dont have to be bothered with.

2010-04-24T09:24:00.001+04:30

yeah, i really did not expect to be stressed out right now because its only the first week of poly life.
its about dealing with projects and presentations.
and now i dont know where i should start from..
getting distracted easily and so on...
haha i guess i really need an organiser now.
im off to do some work now....

First day of school.

2010-04-19T16:54:00.003+04:30

maybe i wont continue... haha so lazy.
alrights! so as you can see, school starts today.
i was a little nervous of course.
fretting inside but acting cool outside.
what the, right. haha thats so me.

anyway, i finally understood the difference between tutorials and lectures. such a noob right. i know!
something worth to mention is, my class's actually really sentimental and emotional, even my care person, linda.
even the guys, which is only a mere number of two.
not surprising haha, but interesting to see guys taking up this course.
i was able to infer from our introductions, and i realise that they were very family-orientated people.
that is very interesting, frankly.
another thing too, presentations.
this was really the most dreaded activity i had ever wanted to be involved in in the past, something i have to get really used to now.
and i guess im getting acclimated currently.
after all, i never expected myself to come to poly before the O'levels.
oh well. things are so unpredictatble and ever-changing, like the world and everyone else.
life.
whatever haha.
okay, something im really not used to is, you see, the school is huge(to an extent) but during school hours its so crowded with people; unfamiliar faces.
especially during the lunch hours. i wasn't even sure where i was sometimes.
although the food is really not bad... i went to the bistro cafe to have lunch today.
affordable prices!
and sometimes you see your grown-up seniors with their friends, some whom i act as if i dont know though it would have been nice to at least smile to.
there's no sense of belonging, no sense of direction in me(yes i was late for tutorials today cos i lost my way with chelsea)
for the whole day i wasnt even sure what i really learnt except for the names of my 1c01 classmates, who already form cliques already! well, sort of.
*sad face*
i cant even log in to my student portal!!
i know, stop complaining jing.
but !@#$%^&*.
phew.
i kinda miss work and the uniform days.
working at the restaurant and with Junior Temps.
studying in somewhere familiar.
playing netball after school.
going home on a routined basis.
this is what happens when you grow older each time.
complain complain complain.

wished my knee's alright.
i'll like go running every alternate days.
it's like people will say, 'no one's stopping you' and all that kinda thing.
but its like, i'm not supposed to run unless at my own risk.
it's just like i will really go try out for the netball trial, i really want to.
on the other hand, i am doing something registered 'harmful' at the back of my head.
i just.................. worry too much. in a bad bad way.
ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
i really want it to heal.:(

back from ma-malaysia

2010-04-10T15:04:00.009+04:30

After 5 days of residing in my mama's hometown, im back.
As usual, i was feeling a little not used my surroundings on the way back from the airport.
Perhaps i'm easily acclimated after living in a particular place. Even for a few days.
And for malaysia, a place where i often travel to and fro to visit my relatives and yeah, at least something close to "travelling", better than nothing huh.
This time round was a little different from the previous trips, dont know how to explain it but overall i still enjoyed myself.
time for pictures!

Day One:

second breakfast after macs.

my sis said i wore like im going to play for bball match. waliao.

another round.

took morning plane to kuala lumpur. reached budget terminal at like 4plus a.m. in the morning, had breakfast and boarded tiger airways plane. haha my first time! reached in like 35 mins, swift compared to my past bus rides which took like 6 to 7 hours?
took a bus that took like 1 hour plus for us to reach KL Sentral.
we had to sit at random seats which are available for us which means yeah, strangers.
but to look back, the services we took were all like that..
wanted to take their train to meet my aunt's husband but we only realised the train will come at a fixed time whiich meant we had to wait for another 40 or so. very inefficient!
took a cab, reached Petaling. uncle picked us up and reached their house.
saw my aunt's son for the first time.

seems like my sister takes better pictures with Zi Xue(his name), if you notice he always looks into the camera everytime in their shots. i had a hard time convincing him to do it on the other hand...take note of the red overwhelming piece of art on my forehead esp, its not just a breakout. IT'S ONE AFTER BAD FACIAL!

to be continued... im soooo lazy.

ouch.

2010-04-03T17:03:00.017+04:30

finally went for facial today.
i'm not sure whether you notice all the zits on my face popping over random spots on my face... and successfully dominated my forehead so far.
im so glad i went today, but ouch, it hurts like hell!
the squeezing action-most dreaded before i went already.
and it proved itself directly.
i just have to make it a point to blog this because, i think it took almost an hour to finish clearing my face. most credits to my beautician although thanks again, that was horrible.
all that uncontrolled-eating and late-nights are the causes i guess.
SO GIRLS OUT THERE, take care of your skin!!!

whatever, all of you girls i know all have better skin than me lorh.
WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR!!
hahaha, did i just sounded whinny and immature.
neh ni neh ni bu bu, im just like that.
AHAHAHHA, kay lah.

now, some pictures from my previous outings:(from most recent)

GROUP PHOTO. kinda nice, except missing amelia and asyraf.

Last day at NETS:

there are more pictures... but its with Charina.
nonetheless, there were lots of memories there!

Badminton, dinner @ lavender and games with fellow juunior temps:

Picnic with my fav netball babes!

im so proud of myself now. finally posted these pictures here.
you can find them here in my heaart though!
alrights, thats it! blog sometime later after i come back.. will have pictures to share!
gotta go manicure with my sister and her friend now.
takecares all of you peeps!
muacks.

summarised.

2010-04-01T10:34:00.002+04:30

okay, im going back to school later to play netball with juniors and seniors so right now, i will keep everything short and sweet(i always say this regardless if any length turned out)
1) i've stopped working. fired or fire, not very sure but i left two days before im supposed to leave so thats alright but im so bored right now. today's supposed to be my last day..
2) i went out with colleages yesterday though. went to have high tea BUFFET at chinatown (YUM CHA), their food is good but hey i ate countless prawn.
as you know dim sum with almost everything prawn-y. yeah thats the highlight of the entire meal. but overall i would say, as much as i can eat (like my colleages comment) I CANT SURVIVE A BUFFET.*breathless*
3) i kinda miss work because i'm used to waking up early and standing throughout the journey to tiongbahru. guess the next time im going would not be anytime soon.(maybe not)
4) was just tricked by my colleage kenneth for calling me from the office. okay seriously i really thought he was from recruit's express. damn it, im so embarrassed with myself. i screamed.
5) im going to malaysia next week. im so excited. but i feel the same way again, cant explain... im so weird. i'm trying not to be... YOU SEE MY POINT NOW?
6) i cant stop eating. unless i have a real reason to stop. like now, cos im going to play netball!!! the same adrenaline rush as the past.

not a bad job huh?
i just needed to update this blog, no matter who's gonna read it. or none? HELLO?!
OKAY i'll be back. YAY! INDOOR COURT, HERE I COME!!!

pictures!

2010-03-15T18:07:00.003+03:30

6f photos, really wanna post but then im lazy to get from facebook.
oh well.
finally im done with enrolment details, thanks to dad's help.
he's been urging me lately to get it done, but i was just so reluctant to, didnt feel like giving a damn, seriously.
oh yah, JuniorTemp's having a chalet together on may at coasta sands.. 4days 3 nights but we are deciding to take just 3 days..
im quite looking forward, but its really a long way ahead.
and counting down to the number of days im left at NETS, i cant help but feel this emptiness surfacing..
afterall i had spent going 3 months working here already.. except that the last week was spent slacking and all that.
which i think applies to tmr and so on.
this means that school is starting really soon too!
what should i do?? i dont wanna start school yet, for now..
and i think, im really gonna miss hanging out together with my colleages.
during working hours, playing games and laughing and getting caught sometimes.
hais.
why do i face this all the time?

heart-to-heart; i am a worrier, failed warrior.

2010-03-13T23:40:00.003+03:30

i thank my doctor- knee doctor for giving me really helpful advice on the life im currently living.
it was a great relief after speaking to him.
he was just so right about almost everything; everything that i did considered before during the crisis im facing through now.
my emotional being has completely seized any other reactions that can be possibly faked, i just, let it out.
he's so intelligent and a profound man, i respect him.
and i truly truly thank him for that.

i went to farrer park to have my regular knee-check.
commendable improvement, i would tell myself- an optimistic claim.
i guess my life has to accept certain alterations made by myself and i, in order to live well.
i realised so much that im restricting myself lately and always, ever since i dont know when.
returned to work after check-up.
played till work ends...
i've been doing this lately, its horrible but i cant help it.
work can be stressful at times!
after that went to town with colleages to get present for one of them.

celebrated amelia(nets)'s birthday...
met up rather late yesterday, like ard 5 first with charina..
we went to get amelia's present again cos didnt manage to get it.
yeah, citylink mall had a human jam due to the the IT fair.
luckily we took the stairs, but later on hunkiat and the rest were stuck there hahaha kinda funny.
anyway, everyone was present only by 6 30pm.(friends, see i'm not the latest you've ever seen)
yeah but we decided to eat at Hotpot Culture.
havent ate there before, it looks good.
and yeah it tasted good too, finally i had buffet, after so long!
ate a lot!! i didnt realise kiatwei still got a cake for amelia, sang song and took pictures~
almost exploding already.
then funny thing was we just proceeded to the entrance straight away, one whole group of us.. until the waitress told me we havent paid yet.
lol, so embarrassing man.
the guys managed to retrieve the one dollar ben&jerry's icecreams..
i continued to eat one, crazy.
it was nice though.
bowling next! it was quite a nice game.
i wanna play next time again, anyone?

after that they decided to go slack around..
we walked to clarke quay.
my first time to a bar~ eski place, really cold..
played card games and punishment in the fridge-like temperature!
kinda cool, you can ask for like winter jackets from them.
it lasted for a few hours-- super cold!!
after that we left and split cab home.
had much fun this time.
but it was really tiring.

still an identity crisis, or should i say, a morale at its nadir?
i'm trying hard. trying to convey, but i failed terribly.
i still realise though, that everytime my heart is determined to open up, it really works wonder as i get to receive happiness and engage in fun.
but it takes a thousand miles to achieve that sometimes, and i really wonder what i can do to salvage and prevent it from getting worse.
i guess it takes time.
dr ting's words comes to me like a siren, warning myself to do something about it.
i need to make it work.
we'll see.

2010-02-28T12:28:00.004+03:30

CNY pictures!

Since i started.

2010-01-30T19:24:00.004+03:30

i miss the restaurant staffs. but somehow, not missing working there.
yeah.
it still means a lot to me though. cause after all it's the first job i got for myself. by my own little efforts. i wont forget the experience.
manager went back to korea. i have less ppl to talk to too.
i bought him an ashtray on the day he left. will miss him!
he sent pictures to me that we took the other day. it was a pity we didnt have a group photo together though. hais.

he's really tall!
the other staffs~ few of them not here~

*misses*

pictures of me and colleages @ nets too. <∫uniÖrTemÞ™ > amelia created this so all of us actually have this on our msn pm. haha.
@karaoke:

didnt take with hun kiat...
@mindcafe-charina's bday celebration!

<
dont have yuanting & kenneth's pictures yet. but.. soon!
haha, it was really a pleasure meeting these people at work:)

and last but not least.
>
i still miss you all!

A fortnight after...

2009-08-08T13:27:00.001+04:30

two weeks darted away, so so soon.
alright so people, what have you accomplished so far?
feels like i didnt do much in revision within this period.
had chem mock exam1, it was relatively easier than i have expected, but not sufficient to get a good grade i guess.
it was lucky that certain topics that i studied came out.
i really want to brush up on my chem, do well in it. and oh there's one more mock exam before the penultimate one then our dearest anticipated challenge.
so i guess im gonna take them as real training.
oh and a.maths' like slicing me layer by layer. espcially trigo! i just cant apply it properly, mind's gonna burst.
okay i know, im such a nerd. everything's about studies right now uh.
though 40% of my mind's been occupied by other stuff in approximation.
i just wished everything else levels up to revision right now.
other things, let me think.
OH! my inability to pass motion and release gas hasnt been occuring on me lately and im really really relieved.
thanks for people around trying to contribute remedy ideas, menglu even gave me some organic stuff to drink although i only tried it once.
the chinese medicine really worked, much to my misjudgement initially.
hope everything goes out smoothly, literally.
><
enough about that, i know it's supposed to be a personal thing hahah.
haven't been able to spend time with 6f people, kinda missed them.
hopefully next time more people can join us yah.
and i miss running terribly, not that im trying to tell you im super athletic or something.
but all that lack of physical activities have been replaced with a sedatory lifestyle,
not just my tummy suffers, my mind works like an old woman too.
okay thats an exaggeration i know, but its somewhere along that line ah.
feeling restless plus lots of craving attempts.
netball and team mates, i miss you all so much.
i yearn for all that team interaction with all of you, sweating and under the sun shouting at each other's names.
and that common goal we all had during a game.
i miss ms kaur and some seniors.
(just let me go on)
im not being negative, but i want some 'life' added into my life now.
it sucks.
but im glad my girlfriends are still here. winks at them.
we had a great thurday evening dinner together, some quality 3 hrs at the hawker centre.
this few more mths and im going to break free man!!!!
roooooarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
ok a litle uncontrolled but im sure you all understand.
not healthy to bottle them up.
oh, redundant worries, i wish i can just kick you all aside, tear it all into multiple unrecognised pieces and burn them.

last but not least, i hate liars.
and people who break their promises.
grow up, people.
(and me) hehe.

go away damn shit.

I KNOW YOU DONT MISS ME AT ALL...

2009-07-25T11:18:00.002+04:30

Okay, so im using shuting's laptop right now to blog.
credits to her^^,

nothing much to blog about recently, just study study and study.
well although i havent really did much of the revision yet.
and im sure i have so much to brush up on, cos im lost on where to start actually.
and this foreign feeling yet so familiar from the midyear examination's kinda making me feel overwhelmed again.
i just pray hard that the same post-problems wouldnt come back again.
cause it really sucked up my life okay.
not to forget i kinda look like a living dead right now.

its gonna be a short post i guess.
work hard everyone, i'll meet u people(if there's any) after the exams.

loveya'll! :)

bad dreams, bad omen.

2009-05-19T15:53:00.003+04:30

somethings that are urged to be shared, but its the inner tension drawing back.
feel like screaming, SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

okay haha.
i had a terrible dream, got me awoke with creeps on my hair tips.
ya, i dont know what's going on seriously.

so, i saw pictures from the disc, and woah memories of secondary two came drfting back and i saw the early days of my pimples!
haha thats where i got it and later got worst.
yeah, then i just suddenly thought about the past.
i know, again.
i miss everyone.
6f,2e1,netball,chanapa,amirah and soon, another class in future.
its weird because i want the memories back so horribly.
makes me feel extremely helpless and weak.
i wonder if the rest i miss miss me too.
i know, im allowed to wonder once in a while too.
oh well. occcasional feelings, ya ought to understand.

anyone?

2009-05-14T15:07:00.002+04:30

knock.

hmm, so with response to all that examinations stress and early mornings last-minute-preparations, HUGE pimples, dry skin and constipation was what i get.
woohaa.
i wonder how prelim's going to ruin my entire being, diarrheoa next time perhaps?
not that i want to blabber about this again but if you'd ever had constipation, you must have had a really really phobic time isnt it.
dont know about you, i adore and enjoy every moment of being able to shit every morning okay.
i cant find a better word to name shitting, in the more boilogical way even.
egestion?
whatever, it's surely a must.
it's worrying how easily your body gets affected from the slightest change of eating habits or lifestyle.
yeah, so i actually took laxative which i thought was fearful medication in the past.
i'm so thankful i had them with me.
okay i know, roll your eyes right. HAHA.

yah, like everyone else, i am going to just share how i feel about the MidYearpapers.
ruth said they purposely made it challenging for us for most subjects, except for a.maths and so on, which i had similar sentiments.
but, argh i hope this is already considered difficult or just the average kind of papers cause yeah frankly it wasnt assuring.
attemptable yes, but no if i'd really think about it.
well, i'll see how the results prove my capability and how weak i am.
i kinda promised myself to be a fighter this time, unless my hair starts falling or well, i have bowel problems again. i know, not a good example heehee.
but i was glad that i pulled through though.
i was phew-relieved when geogelect paper was over, had a HARD time memorising all that content stuff which i put effort into relating it to real life stuff but,
rivers and coasts? development, like world bank or UNMDG? or hah, talk about politics and all that brainwashing propaghanda which i tried to place them into facts- SS. NO.
exploding was the only word i could describe about my brain that time.
okay fine, i do enjoy doing those maths papers though, less stressing although im not exactly piling high expectations this time round.
challenging la okay.
hahaha, the rest? like i'd said results results, im ready.
holidays too, i need a serious break ~~~
and no doubt work on it too, cant escape from that.

alright, mental alarm!
exams' not over yet.
still have 4 papers and 2 SPA.
how's that?!
gonna practice maths now.
cant believe i've actually spent the previous 6r1r2 hours on 2 a.maths and one maths paper in total.
sense of achievement, heh.
i need tmr's paper to level up my overalls.
okay, I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST OF LUCK AND WHATEVER IT TAKES TO TURN YOU ALL SMARTER TMR!
*drops head back again*
seeya'll.

sorted out? ayyahhh.

i am an exam-controlled freak.

2009-05-08T15:16:00.002+04:30

i am so reluctant to blog. zzz
good luck for all exams!

Setbacks in incessant pace.

2009-04-03T18:42:00.003+04:30

okayokay.
forgot the last time i actually blogged cause have been way too loaded with schoolwork.
as much as i thought i am actually on-track, the results always betray what seems to be true lah.
i really dont know what else is holding me back from really well focused with work, since netball's not like an excuse anymore.
haha, its really really early that we've stepped down.
and yes, my body is already defying my lack of exercising.
come to think of it, i miss netball trainings!
like, i meant training vigorously with all stamina and stuff.
cant believe it all ended like this, with no warning.
like a period of notification you know, but there was none.
haiyoooooooo.
and trainings for juniors have temporarily been cancelled in the long term, probably after mid-year.
i dont know, but i wanna see the team doing something at least, when all the seniors are not there.
i have well-intentions okay.
miss all the active little and adorable girls.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
maybe i'll find a time to talk to them as a whole soon.
netball's like a shaky boat now- no coach, tchers busy, poor facilities.
bad decision in our school system for not investing on this sport, how could they lah.
funds funds funds, why only saving on ours?
soooooooooo unfair.
poor girls, i saw them training today, well at least something.
no reliance and anything, im so afraid the motivation will die out invountarily.
guess i could try to do something about it too.

okay sorry, so i was talking about work.
had tests today.
this week had 9.
i know, even i am sick of telling myself or others this, cause erhem, most of them are all too aware already right.
just, outdoing my limits cause they just keep coming to you and yeah, like a machine you just take and do.
blank yeah, but just fill in the most possible answers,
hope for luck to cast a tick on it.

so, i just wanted to mention that i finally was able to win some ersatz silver and gold, giant hanging coins home!
okay medals whatever lah.
for the whole of my secondary school, this year has the most number 'something' that i achieved.
i am expecting more though. if there's going to be a inter-class game COMP.
hahaha, most importantly proud of all the people who took part in the running.
did such a fantastic job!!!!
can finally lift my head up for emerald-for this one (and more to come?) year.
still remember before i left pcs, green house won too.
and that marks an almost 10 years of representing the green house!
affinity? heh, i am assigned ahhh~

hahahahahah, okay seriously people whose working their brains off for O levels i salute you cos, I CAN NEVER BE LIKE YOU!
(MEANT FOR THE TOP SCHOOL PPL)
it's alright, we neighbourhood schlers(aha) can do it too okay.
hahaha, all in this together everyone!

anyway, im not trying to hint.
but its april already.
damn 2009!
why is it drifting instead of tickling?
all of those ppl out there, i miss all of you.
love.

pasts only!

2009-03-22T06:57:00.007+04:30

With Lynn:)

Under the 80-degree light

Nina, Lynn

With Lynn again(at our station)

clue envelopes for the different value groups!

And Nina!

Pictures from-
Health Wellness camp @east coast park on the first day afternoon.
it was really physically demanding okay.
even as a facillitator.
the rest of the people were worst okay!
kinda like a torture for them, from their faces.
but could see that they worked a lot, happy for them.
and overall it was enjoyable for me.
had a rather pleasant experience.

went home and alomost fell asleep immediately.
lethargic! but had to pack for council camp~.~
and yeah, it was really slacked man
though i had fun eating and bbqing for dinner in school on the first day.
hahaha, and omg, 4bia as midnight 'entertainment', one and another series of horror plots was AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, though not the first time, quite enjoyable.
with all sec4s who went and ms shanthi and mr ang at training room- our slping area teehee!
yeah, slpt at 4 plus
blahblah, morning had breakfast and played some pirana games with them.
then kidnap games followed by water activities.
totally distracting the sec2s and 3s.
heheh.
well, met up with 6f peeps, for dinner and talked a little.
saw denglaoshin and haha blahblah.

need to study already ahhhhhhhh!

overdue pictures!

2009-03-17T15:01:00.019+03:30

hurrays, today was okay. not as much worth as a great day.
but at least i managed to study for physics a little and well, tried a-maths, to no avail.
i'll do again later on:)
okay so this morning i went to SPCA with my mum so she'll have an extra voucher for sterilising cats.
haha, the only branch at paya lebar, and it was unexpectedly old, hidden and cramp.
looked a little like the old kampong.
so yes that was my first visit, took some pictures of cats, mum suggested me to go inside to take, apparently there's more.
but we both shrugged at that idea, such an irony hahaha. (cos you know the sight will be rather cruel)
oh and i actually glimpsed a rather attention seeking, okay quite hot
guy whom i supposed to be a vet.
gosh it's like one of the scenes in movies, and those pretty blonde girls enters the clinic blah blah blah.
oi, except that im not lah. he didnt even set a glance at me.
yeah, the point was, he was kinda ~~ , FINE!
went home and yeah thats about it. cause i only ate and ate and did some hw. okay i got to that part already right, heheh.
okay, but i was eyeing lustfully at the chocolate icecream in the fridge and even the nutella cause omg i needed them so much but kept getting reminded of my lovehandles plus yesterdays' inconsiderate eating. haha i never regretted that though.

so you'll see pictures of me and shin at some funny place.
aha, yes thats yesterday!
after the MT intensive programme(omg 3 and 1/2 hours of scribbling is kind of a torture) we went to the lib first, then followed by yongtaufoo at coffee shop, i cant help but mention about the regular splaching of the rain, coldd.
yes, after deciding on impulse to go to chinatown which we walked back and forth and met those vjc ppl again and again. hah.
and took an hr (ard there) of bus ride i dont know why talking about philosophical stuffs and life.
omg, we are really getting old.
well, walked, strolled, brisked, exercised? whatever you call it.
quite an "adventure" hahaha, shin huh.
we should really go out often like that!
filled our stomachs for dinner at the little " huts" very old time feeling.
and ice-kachang -- like monkey chipanzee years since i ate that.
totally guilty food but nice!
back home by 9 plus- enjoyed myself:)

okay, i know redundant informantion but i didnt eat meat today.
haha, hope i can lose fats for the following camps esp tmr.
WORK OUT WORK OUT WORK OUT.
suddenly i thought i would be great if all my girlfriends have gone.
hais, its alright.
enjoy your lovely (or tough) holidays!
muacks!

last year; our netball camp! had much fun~ <3 (after the splashing session)

with the new vice-president of 2008-SC Investiture

okay, we were changing and suddenly thought of taking pctures! thats fbt btw not like underwear or what. and rarely take picts with jet!

last year's mass run! oh look at my face!!~.~

ONE OD THE FLEE MARKET OUTING. oh i so want another one. (jiajia wouldnt like it. hahaha)

otooto, remembered this pict? omg almost a year already!

finally im a camwhore, until now then you know~~

ending of with the ever so unique: STARE. (want fight ah huh)

i am on my way:)

hum hum hum.

2009-03-15T17:19:00.003+03:30

I was actually wondering if i'm you know, like ever other people who has favourite artists that i'll stick to whenever im sick of other songs.
but i just cannot think of any.
okay, i know lah, very random pop-up thoughts.
but i currently like lifehouse and marie digby's say it again.
particularly her crisp voice and the lyrics.
so, i was reading a book coming to a sweet and not-too-overboard ending,
and this song just played(cause nette called)
matched!

oh and lifehouse, omg.
the lead singer's voice makes me wanna cry to sleep sometimes.
its not a bad thing, but even when im not in a relationship, it feels like i really am when jason wade's voice was playing so close into my ear(earpiece la)
i would really almost melt if he sings like that to me.
Hee!
Broken is one song i would recommend.
the mv's good cause i dont know, i was so overwhelmed after i watched the first time.
yeah i watched several times after that, hah.
okay, why am i talking about all these i really have no idea.
nothing else to blog about i guess.
heheehee.
i guess i should enjoy this really short period of rest by watching some shows at this hour(10 plus), cause im usually studying or going to sleep by now.
hahaha. alrights, got to go.
hope i'll do well for tmr!

oh yah, i really miss going out with some people.
aaaaayeeeeeeeeeeeee.

finally, im blogging again.

2009-03-13T16:00:00.002+03:30

yes, another week passed like breeze.
and that leaves me a week of hoilidays ahead of me- it's march already.
i can't help but feel that the series of everyday events is living me, instead of the other way round!
hmm well.
so, the holidays-
i was told by Mdm Z. to start planning our study time-table today and start studying from tmr onwards.
which includes Chem, Physics, Bio, uhhuh-all of my the other subjects even Mt cause on monday we have mock exams and i gotta do a little brush up.
so i got my progress report back today and IT'S NOT SATIABLE.
i guess yesterday's terrible mood was partly due to that before i got further pissed with sound pollutants in my class(yeah no point hiding the truth) and myself.
finally un-tied the mental knot sometime after that in the afternoon.
alright, i shouldnt go through the hassle by listing down all of my results for different subjects.
What's more when it concerns throwing my face on how, i cant say badly, but failing to meet my expectations.
okay, 15 for overalls- no improvements from last year!
it's only some simple progress report and im doing like that.
i know i shouldnt be comparing, but judging on how the rest did in my class- i did really really poorly.
just when i thought i could fill in those holes of doubts in the studies in the holidays and like study like mad- Mdm Z. wants us to bury ourselves for 8 hrs per day.
as much as i am unwilling but determined to, my tmr, mon, wed to sat is taken up already.
how is it possible now?!!!!!!!!!!!
save me from all this,
cause to add on, i ambitiously associate myself with the HSK advanced exam on april.
but i'll just have to pscho myself,
IT WILL DO ME GOOD, AND I WILL DO BETTER!
YES IT WILL.
at least going through all this makes me feel like im growing up and stronger inside.
wish me luck for tmr's selections!

why am dealing with fractious emotions all on my side? tell me.

why do i do it over and overf again.

2009-03-06T17:54:00.002+03:30

i suck.
screwed up again and again.
i wished for the next time to be much better. im gonna work harder...
byebye.

i thought i healed.

okay, i've got an idea.

2009-02-28T18:10:00.003+03:30

hehah!
i finally know what to blog already!
okay because as you know i've been trying to improve my standard of english and expand my knowledge of vocabulary-i need it so much- haha which i purposely went to an online dictionary website...bluhbluhbluh.
alright so, according from there, i will be including WORDS OF THE POST(copied from words of the day) hehe, so we learn it together!
hehe, okay i know you can go search yourself, i just need an agenda to blog ya know alahalah.
so the word to start off this whole thing is:
TARNISH.verb/adverb
okay i know some of you or everyone of you knows the word already!
but i dont although i heard and seen that word before.
argh.

okay no matter what, the meaning :to spoil/damage the reputation of someone or something
sentence:By this time a series of scandals had severely tarnished the leader's image/reputation.

it's pure coincedence if it relates to anyone-whatever.
hahas.
okay.. i dont wanna talk anymore, byebye.

get over this period. (no,not this period.)

My hormones are messing with me.

2009-02-27T14:38:00.002+03:30

Argh!
hormones, i only can blame them for making me feel, weird.
I didnt get emo(tional) or what, can't totally say it's PMS too.
just, confused.
urgh, if this was part of growing up!
and nostalgia again and again settling inside.
about this few years in secondary school.
as i focus on it, more and more images appear inside and made me realise, that they are still kept in the vast memory space of mine.
i've always thought time flies, i mean its still true, but when i start thinking of the things that happen just few years back, or even a year back, it felt so long ago, perhaps due to a differen school.
maybe time isnt the one that drifts rapidly, it's the people's ignorance and nonchanlance that made them forget, overlook the details and things until they 're force to be pulled apart.
how selfish to accuse time if that's the case.
anyway, whatever it is, at least currently i've come to realise secondary school is still fun and enjoyable~
okays, today was really humid and warm.
i guess it was partly why i felt irritated.

i shall not talk about it. people please enjoy your weekends!

bickering thoughts, arguing over what.

2009-02-25T16:08:00.002+03:30

omigosh. i've broken my own rule cos im using the comp now.

anyway, tmr's oral for both midyear and prelims.
crazy! im nervous and i dont know what to do argh.
nvm, and im telling myself to love school now!

okay.byebye and goodluck to me~

i heal myself all the time, just got surprised and broken.

2009-02-21T07:23:00.002+03:30

continued pictures for last week's valentines day cum celebration of val's birthday!

Swift.

2009-02-20T17:51:00.005+03:30

Alright. i dont know how long i haven't been posting regularly, apart from the morning one.
oh well, i guess its not important.
people havent been tagging, and it kinda frustrates me.
no, im not trying to hint you to tag me, dont get the wrong idea.
i mean, sometimes yes i know i've mentioned that already- there's this weird urgency to start blogging but sometimes, there arent any purpose at all.
is that for people to read, or for me to let it all out?
i guess the latter would ezplain that.
hmm, so so many things have been going on, and time doesnt allow them to be recorded down though they are all registered in the head.
i've been it this fluctuating mood nowadays.
like going positive and negatively down.
well, as true as it is, i couldnt stop or hide my laughters sitting next to daryl david and poh wee siang.
funny both, they laugh themselves too.
this year has been loads better than last year in terms of, i guess blabbering.
it's a good thing because it makes school more anticipating and it gives certain push of drive, like you're not alone; im not alone.
everyone seems to be working harder than usual in my class, apparently.
i guess, im still stuck in between netball and studies.
i know, redundant worries because two selections ahead of me and im confidently aware that i wouldnt get choosen.
despite that, a part of me still wants to expect something better, like a step closer to a goal that stands so tall.
it's just the achievement that i wanna see myself winning.
i wanna prove something, not so desperately to anyone or myself.
so the fact that tornaments are already over still bugs me because, that anglican match was totally a disappointment.
the refusal to conform within myself and position, angers me.
something that i can't turn back now.
we wouldnt win, but there'll surely be improvements.
and whatever ms kaur said to me, it builts my strength and determinance level.
still repeats sometimes at needy times, and i wanna thank her so much for being there with guidance and support. as well as motivation to do better and keeps me going.
thinking of the times, the images that scrolled past like a screensaver overwhelmes me all the time.
learning the sport frm scratch till now.
friendly matches and games.
bonding and training.
so much that leaves me wanting for more, though it is be tough.

anyway, so i didnt want to lag behind in studies because of this.
and sometimes i just lose the drive(again) to stay focused and work, like i mean work towards it.still sorting it out~

and i guess, i feel terrible sometimes.
i dont really want to drill directly into the picture as it's funny thing that im not even involved and i get so worked up.
i just feel like this anonymous emotion creeping up to me everytime i think about it.
i guess that's just things that happened so unexpectedly and it makes me brim-filled with disappointment and regrets.
things that i didnt know about people that i didnt expect to do.
apparently who doesnt feel sorry.
where did that source of anger and revenge came from?
yeah, things might seem as usual already, but that was such a wrong move.
it left behind this fear, a phobic situation.
i thought about it.
friends that i thought was worth investing effort in, since there have been a number of times we've spent together as a whole.
i looked through the past and came to a silly yet sensible conclusion; perhaps i was being used.
think about it you people, yes you people.
i guess other than being a listening ear and someone whom you can get information from to something else, thats it right.
it was great to be going trough all these without realising it until now.
no sarcasm, at least i felt good when i thought people wanted to share.
and as things surface, i cant help to feel that way.
no, of cos you beg to differ, becos i wasnt even supposed to be here.
inevitably, im sorry to feel cheated in my own part how maudlin, and overeact things.
i just, wanted to tell this but i guess it doesnt matter in the first place right.

so much for a dime.
i need to study!!! make me a hardcore nerd.
i cant stop recalling about somethings.
like this morning's dream made me lose some important moments during lesson time.
as much as i feel contented with what i have inside, i dont want it anymore.
note that, my dreamcatcher~

hahah, okay i really need to study and sleep!
hope i qualify for tmr's race!

thanks for coming~

pictures:
s

2009-02-17T02:07:00.003+03:30

it's 6.37am now in the tuesday morning.
must be wondering why im here when i should be having my breakfast ritual.
well, i came actually to watch the video for SPA physics because im having it today.
but that damn flashplayer gets on my nerves at the most unnecessary times.
so vexing.
okay i just wanna tell how nervous i am going to be later on, panic and stuff.
argh, i have no idea what to do~
okay in fact, im not feeling as frightened as i sound actually.
speech of expressions always are exaggerated right.
but anyway, hope some miracle will befall on my destiny and make me score super well for my Os.
byes!

2009-02-06T16:34:00.012+03:30

Ct darlz!

Luanne! prettygirl~

Jiayong, tallie-giraffe!

Kwee Siong~ tangtang

Shin Darlz~

Nette Darlz~

omg my sis wants to kill me!
waliao.

6f I CHERISH YOU SO MUCH.

2009-02-02T16:08:00.003+03:30

I really do, hahas.
I know its really a common word to use, love love love.
I love this, I love that.
I love her, I love him, I love us~~~
and it goes on and on.
It creates this doubt sometimes, when people overuse it and as a result, it doesn't leave any definition anymore and that is a real pity.
Maybe we should really consider wisely before we recruit the word.
So, i was just mentioning about 6f. The reason is that i wanted to write "I love 6f" at first but it seemed just nothing more than a quote.
Well it doesnt mean what i wrote above is wiser ,bahhhhh~ just thought i would be different?
Okay not important.
Just need them to know that, but i think they should have known it by now (heheh), ehh hello, almost at least 6 years and more.
I really enjoyed going out with them, although it isnt like super spontaneuos or interesting but it really feels like family in some sense.
This indescriPTable emotion, i mean we haven't been quarelling for a long long time.
I can't even remember the last time we had an arguement or whatever!
Gatherings out are often like where to go, play, watch movie, talk.
Once we are done, we just say bye and go home.
I mean the point is it leaves me feeling like we know today is supposed to fun day -gathering!
I DONT KNOW, TOLD YOU ITS INDESCRIPTABLE~
FORGET IT, SEE PICTURES!

Amirii!
ahh, no time.. i'll continue soon!

so much i recalled.

2009-01-24T18:38:00.004+03:30

hahahah.
i dont know why today's post about this, but yeah, maybe becos i was reading my old blog's post and omgosh i was super childish.
not tht im mature now but you see a progress thingy.
hah.
i shall post some of the post to revive the taste of the bitterness and joy of 2006 in 1e1. haha, wait you see this man.

[i read ur blog too...i told u it wasnt u.
how i wish i wont rite this...
but i rote becus i cant cotroll my feelings of wat i feel. thats my feelings. thats my emotions.
im sry i said this to hurt u. whether it hurts or not im sry for this..can this come to an end..i feel so guity at times
i dont want anything to be break the start of this friendship of us..
but if u really insisted of what you feel about me, i ve no choice but to feel the negative way of this.
i dont want this to happen. yes i want a change ..but PLS MAKE ME VISIBLE..
i try to talk to u in watever ..even we dont sit together...only during some period.but not really as close..and the thing is im the one who talks to u..if not u will chatter with the one beside you and me.that time im not visible
yet i dont want ppl to interfer this .. this is my personal feelings for her/him..
im not talking about this entry of your blog about stealing anyone.
but im saying that u dont treat me as a friend only her, her n her ..me? just a person of something who which made u feel unhappy..or reminds u or even leads u to another friend being stolen.
this is ridiculous to me..haha i dont even steal things. am i capable of stealing friends..?
ok i did say im over about this matter..but its reminding me everytime i enter this blog of mine or yours.
and i thought over it again and again...its repeating in my mind many times..
and i wonder how could u say this?
i really want to forget this and u may think its only a sentence or something wats the big deal?
sometimes things are really predictable like our friendship wouldnt last forever....
cos urs is always urs. mine is always mine.and there again stands a border zone splitting the whole thing into half...
they nver get to combine until one wins over the whole thing whichis the friendship..
who wins who lose? if u care about this we are not TRUE friends.
and here goes to the same as me u and her u noe who u noe ..if u rather want her..im not a true one to u ..pls push me away..
somehow things happen and vanish right away. before u could realise anything..but the one who is being hurt..the image of what is happening appeals everytime ..
im really stressed by times..i want to stop this..
i may be petty cos i wrote so much things about this complaining to myself and this precious blog of mine..just becos u wrote this sentence about this..i just want u to noe at least u mean something to me ..
dont ever say u hurt me. cos u didnt. cos im just this person whose really treating u as a gd fren of mine and maybe u dont so this is so extra..
two months passed and i guessed i won..or u? to me i won. but its not happy at all.
i will not go there in the moring anymore...i guessed..i will let them have more time spent together le..
i will nver forget this as something bad for me...
nvm in sch i will try not to express on my face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

haha forgot to thx shuting for the dnt thing.
u r rreally kind that time..help me so much..i mean only some parts but i learnt how to do the smoothing part already..wow amazing eh?
im didnt go to www with them..no money.
bra said if i really want to go he can pay for me.
im not paiseh but i just dont think im supposed to be there.or be there. i think..extra one is me..ok i dun feel like talking bout this..
now, 12 30 am shown on my com..im tired, feeling down, listening to rhythem unsoothing but musical music..
i suddenly feel so left out and i really got to go slp.
before this i must say..
i love hui jun. thx for being there when i need someone although u r not my him.
stay with me this mid. i love this unhappiness..i love my friends..every single friend...
thx for being my friend.thx for letting me feel unhappy. thx for letting me feel so left out.thx for the everything u gave me.i understood the meaning of friendship..i will nver ever forget this even if i die my friends...my dearest ones. of cos not to forget i wont forget u either...
everyone i love..i love everyone.]
2006

[today we were going to take class photos...
omg i hate the photographer. he thinks who he is? just ordering people to do this and that. ok he may be the one who is instructing but not so fierce rite? suit him for making the photo ugly!
before recess, ms neo gave me all the sweets she have left-about 5..shafiqah took 1 robin 1 vivian 1 me 1 and one more person i forgot..haha just finished it like that..although i didnt pass the test or watever..becos im the math rep..
by the way i realised till now ms neo was the only giving out things for people for rewards..becos of good or better results..
it seem being encouraged to me if i get 1 small reward..that helps me to put more effort not becos of the reward but becos of the so called glory..i mean a bit is also making me satisfied..
im really panic about this thing the reflections about the nppa project ..needed to present in front of the class..
and what i know was teacher didnt seem to like me so much compared to the boys.. obvious reasons ..only the class knows and clever people will guessed that.
but whatever reasons and unhappiness i have, i still have to go there..there is a outcome that i know the teacher will say speak louder the class cannot hear you..and somemore i have to memorised that..dont know why my voice went really soft after coming to this class..
if thats so thats great..haha really miss that voice of mine..nvm going to pg my voice surely become louder de..lolx
ok im just afraid ill panic until i forget everyything..i just wish that i can pass and get a bit higher marks..
literature was real fun..i guessed..
ms lazaroo have been saying good for every presentation our group have ..surprisingly eh? not really cos every or most groups are having this comment..
after that was dnt test..i dont know if i will have to blame i mean we will have to blame shuting for telling ms lazaroo
that we have test..burrrr okay i dont really blame her that much but still not happy ..but not now..no point being angry after the thing already happened?
n

i dont know i guessed things are better? i really dont know..i may be too sensative maybe because i really feel weird at times.. times like that i really wanted to talk or start something or even ask something boring to just talk to her..
but i feel like there is something really blocking us. if i can break it, that means this friendship is lasting..or rather going to last but not really very close..many had been telling me to talk to her..i mean start a conversation with her.
then i was even wanted to think of why is it me again..?
but i think its wrong so just ignore that feeling i hope..anyway i was the one who made the matter so worse until most of us noe.

lolx it rained when im in school rushing my maths and english hw..as i wished yesterday..haha but it was like so heavy until the thunder is BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM ... SCARED ME !
really scary no joke..and now i noe its fair very fair but just dun rain tomorrow can my darling? really i want to play courts game pls ok? alright...now really have to go have to finish the secong part of maths, his ..arghh bye.]
2006

[ok wat about today?
mr yeo nver come.happy thing anyways..no science lesson leh...wooohooo
so amelia asked us if who's going to help out for the stall thing and some girls+me raised up our
hand and we were choosen!
haha
anyway sitting on the floor was so shiok..nver knew that u noe.
the few of us which is GIRLS all GIRLS sat there discussing nonsense..
hmm its kind of wasting time but also having good time lol
really de. especially nabilah she talk funny nonsense which is gd...for me
hahahaha
then after that english..fcuk lah
this ms leong really assed up liao
i hate her
i hate her
i hate her

bleahhs..
im not vulgar but only to her .

then CME..
this teacher i dunno who..
looks gay and psyco .
playing or watever with the thing on his hands..
really a bit psyco..his face and expression worse than mr yeo..urk.
then looks like a pervertic also..woah he really multi looking.
lolxxx

lala time for lunch leh
i ate something then went to buy bubbble tea with sy
the AUNTIE..say we ma fan think i dont know ..
then i also dont like the UNCLE look look look bash him then he noe
but actually they are only in 20s..bleh like i care uncles and aunties~
then photo taking time..netball girls
i hate the sec two-s
some only like ying xiu this kind of CAPTAIN ...
who like her lor
because after the photo taking we went down to canteen and joined the sec two-s in playing
here and there(again) they talked talked talked..jermaine is right she said
see th two sec one-s so poor thing..
then sy wanted to leave i insisted her not to..watever
then yingxiu only know how to complain.
i hate her more now.
okay..
i dont want to talk about her.
now.
what should i talk about?
o ya.
em hem..
here are the results of my tests for today that i received:
maths intergers---->12/30 pro rite
math statistics---->25/30 quite happy le
chinese letter riting----> 12/20 extremely angry -3 marks for a little tiny little things..
chinese test---->42/50 top in class leh
haha just not really happy with the maths intergers..difficult leh..at least didnt fail too badly phew..
envious of chanapa!! maths one 25/30 another 30/30
argh.argh.argh
but anyway i also got into the top rite..
top 6..
blehhhhs wat so happy?
haha tomorrow still ned to rite compo in order to improve
lao zhang--shi say de..

o ya for the dressing for the carnival that thing need to wear black shirt and blue jeans..
actually love that.
but
when i just tried the jeans.
im fat
im fat
im really FAT!!!
i became fat fat and nothing but fat..
wat should ido leh? hope that tomorrow recess only need to drink orange juice can le..
i ve turn heavy..heavy okay??
this is not unbelieveable.
im so frus.
extremely!
ok need to skip a bit then bath then slp le..

bbye everyone see you next time..
tml must be a good day okay?]
2006

I didnt know i disliked yingxiu in the past.distant memory omgosh.
and mr yeo thingy. haha. i still feel sorry, i was so immature.
overused the word hate.

i wish i could post more but u wouldnt be able to read finish them. argh.
so whats the point? haha if u want more leave a comment, haha, i'll be more than willing.
read them and memories will surely come back, like how it worked on me.
lols, bout how i feel about a lot of people in the past.
haha. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVE'S EVE GIRLS AND BOYS.
LOVE YOU ALL.
:)

How should i describe this (these).

2009-01-23T14:31:00.001+03:30

the headings, it involves several things that have been running through my mind for a tiny period of time.
which isnt going to be revealed, in any way or well, perhaps sometime when it gets to the point when i feel indiffferent about it.
ah hah, not like you would want to know huh.
but, for one of the fore times, i am determine to keep many things unknown.
it's not some great sacred secrets, nor is it going to affect anything else.
it feels as if yeah, thats it, like whats the point and there's no point because we only focus on the priorities.
i am so dumb.
but generally, im happy in this few days because life has been strictly on academic and netball packed.
and yeah, it feels good because im occupied and people around me are too.
just that things get driften apart sometimes, and there's no urgency to bring it back for the time being.
netball, its my best sport ever.
my relaxing tool, but ironically, stresses me out at critical times, especially on my two genetic wheels
damai's game.
im happy, but i dont know.
not good enough.

toay's mum's birthday.
she turns offically 46 today.
i gave her hug this morning before going to school.
havent did that for a long time and a little distant feeling came back.
a little thoughts and emotions overwhelmed on my way to school, water emerging on the surface.
nowadays its all about repelling against true feelings because know there's no time to get overemotional or overreact.
although it feels too much of a torture at times.
whatever, I AM NOT GETTING EMO(TIONAL).
it keeps me going and strongger.
everything else is well i guess althoough not financially.
its not too personally and i guess everyone else is starting to feel that way too.
man, i need to buck up!

back from camp.

2009-01-18T11:33:00.003+03:30

so tired after the camp.
like physically.
as usual slept for 1 and a half hours yesterday.
camps in sch are always like that.
ate a lot cos of the leftovers and extras.
plus rotiprata and chips at night.
hahas, but still fun.
i took 3e5 this time and they were pretty hard to handle.
sexism wasnt much of an obstacle like sec1 camp, neither is racism.
its just cooperation and all the stubborn people.
lols, made a lot of noise and ver playful..
but still i had a great time with them, talking to some of the people.
haha, girls and guys mix kinda well to.
i think thats the reason why they are so noisy man.
always refuse to listen to us until we kept shouting and controlling them.
it was a good experience i would say.
oh, and they won the best class.
dont ask me why becos they want to know too.

yeah, so now finally both camps are over man.
have to start concentrating on work.
woah.
but still, actually i dont know what i wanna say next.
just show u some picts haha.

pri school life. haha.

No sleep=no life.

2009-01-13T12:50:00.002+03:30

i have no life, but i have netball.
dont know why im starting the post with that, but yeah it's the first thing that came right out from my mind.
alright, or perhaps its because tmr is the first tornament already?
like shit shit shit!
springfield somemore. omgosh, i really gotta do something about it man.
i dont know, my dad just kinda pissed me off.
no mood to blog already.
byebyes.

you know it feels good.

2009-01-08T17:58:00.002+03:30

alright, school's alright.
cant get full marks for my amaths quiz when i finally got a little hope.
forget it!! argh.
anyway, yeah camp stuff and everything making me packed and kinda tired.
plus netball tornaments coming.
oooooooh.
so yeah, camp is tmr and i havent packed.
shit, but im kinda excited!
like woah. just a different experience for now.
hahah.

oh yeah, its kinda annoying sometimes too, esp well, ppl who are kinda eh, dont know they get too close.
lols, yeah it was funny but lol too open.
and i thought i was open enough.. lol, unfortunately not.

fine fine. haha, i just hope camp goes well man.
i want to see it work, it gives me confidence.
my last sec1 orientaion camp already.
maybe next yr yes, but hmm, not confirmed.
attended three already, i just realise.
wait omg, its late and i havent pack. gotta go now. byes

2009-01-06T15:44:00.002+03:30

im kinda having a little pms because of you know, the cause of pms.
cant control that, and i hate it.
hate it hate it hate it.
okay, but thank god that its this week because next week is tornament!!!
and my knees and ankles..
im like stocking calcium in my body this few days.
im lacking im lacking im lacking.
jessica was like telling me to drink milk everyday, cos judging by my condition, i wont be able to walk when im older.
:(((((((( like what?!!!!
i do agreee, but i hate milk.
soya bean lorh.

anyway, school has been alright, but more serious already.
i dont know, like 4e1, im graduationg sooon.
and my first spa is next mth, the real thing.
i panic a lot during spa physics because its soooo difficult.
panic panic panic.
and there will be 8 tests per month,
so by calculating, there will be 56 test this year excluding the other small and big exams.
YOU KIDDING ME.
in focus starts next week, how about another great surprise?

sec4 life is unbearable, and i've just got started.
hais, i want my secthree days man.
NOOOO, better when i was in 2e1,
...or 6f?

btw, one exciting news is that there's a bintan fieldtrip this june?!!!
OHYEAHOHYEAHOHYEAHOHYEAH.
i wanna go so much, i miss travelling.
lols, 12-15 ppl in my class only can go for the trip.
i am going to study hard for the trip, esp my jan and feb geog results.
i wanna go tanning at ur beautiful beach, i heard its pretty there.
lol, if i get the chance to~
argh, still gotta study.

byes peepoo.

So proud of us.

2009-01-03T18:48:00.002+03:30

its not whether we won or got into the third round.
at least we got to play in the second round.
and at least we managed to beat this number of teams, it does show something.
and im so so so proud of my fellow mates.
so much hard work and sweat and energy.
it proves that those training helped.
and i really really like us, our b div batch.
hope we'll have better achievements, less disappointments.

and i really love netball.
hope my leg heals please!

2009-01-02T19:25:00.002+03:30

Someone i knew wrote this in a conversation:

Life doesnt hurt
Until you think about how much things have changed,
Who you've lost along the way,
And how much of it was your fault.

i guess if you know what i meant.
sigh.

new year! new beginnings.

2009-01-01T12:41:00.001+03:30

i love oldchangkee curry puffs.
ate three today. ahahaha.

anyway, i've been eating for the whole day already!
><

lets get started.

2008-12-30T17:28:00.002+03:30

oh right.
im not prepared for the new year.
i know, its like time to really think of what i shld achieve for the coming year. just in 26 more hrs!
(i cant wait i cant wait i cant wait.)
no, i really can wait i swear.
i am serious, cause i wouldnt mind waiting for another 6 mths for the next year.
or even going back to 6 mths ago, perhaps i would really make new changes for the current.
aww man, i share such a love hate emotional crisis with you know, new beginnings.
honestly, i kind of hate to know new friends
i mean, the problem doesnt lie with the new people that i meet,
but more of meeting and getting to know new people.
the process of it is sweet yet tedious.
and i am more reluctant to expect the nice part of it.
but still how can i bear to turn it down.
im so dumb and fickle man, gross me.
okay so i was talking about going back to the past.
i would like to make so much changes and persuasion to certain things, though im not sure whether it might work or backfire.
but worthless talk anyway, it wouldnt happen right.

i really wouldnt wanna start listing all of my new year resolutions like last year or the year before or yeah my past years.
because i know, few of them actually happened and thats how i realise there's no point doing that.
oh, but i wanna just give some stupid examples though.
like ohh, you can find this in every new year post or any typical wishlist of mine:
SLIMMING DOWN.
oh hahahah, how funny that it went the opposite.
every single time i wrote that, i think the numbers on the scale creep up.
i know, i cant blame MY resolutions. yeah so i thought by not writing, i might even lose weight.
heheheh.
not funny.

yeap, though im not having a really good mood now due to some studpid back outs,
i wanna really thank whoever who made myy holidays as one of the most pleasing and enjoyable and memorable ones i've ever had because yeah i think i really had a good time this holidays and to be practical, it was considered long enough already i guess.
in contrast, i am going to list out what i've had in the holidays!
hurray, i am excited!

okay, i wanna skip the step programme part, definitely not part of it.
i'll start with leadership camp first.
one of my bestest camp of the year.
haha, i've had like 7 camps altogether in this year.
and this camp is one of the last camps im going to have in my secondary sch years, which i think had been a good way to end it off as camp of the year.
i know i mentioned a lot of times, but its been a regret nt to take a group pict with my group members.
they are fun, outgoing and are all good leaders.
learnt a lot through the whole process and yeah i completed the rope actiavity that i didnt finish last year.
it was a second chance i sensed, heheh.
secondly would be my trip to korea.
what an opportunity, i will say.
having to exchange our cultures and opening my vision to a different world of language and oh boy, fashion and weather and blah blah blah so much more.
i simply love it there.
oh and nice friends and tour guide,
perfect for me.

then, steamboat at Weijie's hse+ sleepover.
i am so thankful that i had this opportunity, see another one.
it was just great fun and time together. :)
i didnt want to go at first becos i was like tired and restless right after the trip.
i am awfully glad that i went, really.
it was a great night, great mvie, great pear in the middle of the night, great steamboat dinner, great jokes and great friends.
some night that i'll never forget till time fades it away.
just like a chalet, thank you wj:D
i hope you enjoyed yourself tooo, really.

netball bbq next. hahaha.
all girls' party and lots of food and eating.
lol.
i even made a silly quote that people might think ours is a lesbian party.
haha, had a lot of fun and planning all credited by lynn.
and planned for a long time, thanks babe!
haha if only she'll see this.

2e1 chalet is one of the last.
haha, lots of weird stuff happened.
few hrs long of confessions and ice cream eating at 4am in the morning.
or horror shows in the midnight and maggie mee as slping pills cos we dozed off right after that, ignored made of honour playing. haha.
i shall say unsual, but memorable.
i enjoyed myself at least, with not enough sleep and everything i managed to even run 2.4 in the morning.
shin as well~
good to remember heh.
bond a little lahs.. haha.
i shall expect another more decent fun next year.

not to mention, kena fired by boss, trying to look for job with my dear naz, some small gatherings with 6f peepal, christmas dinner, sleepover at grace and shin's hse respectively, tough trainings, flea market with nina, naz and jiajia, groceries shopping with same peeple except for naz and including lynn and syirah, some girlfriends outings, capturing some moments and yeah a hard truth.

haha, so many many things i've done, some i still cant remember liao.
all thanks to all the people i dunno who to start.

and yeah its gonna be remembered, by the honour of this blog post and its readers.
thanks a lot, my time spent havent been spent in vain typing.

anyway, i've been studying all afternoon with ws and darren,
cos yeah jw, grace and shuting all have their own stuff.
if u really call it good studying time spent.
i did study a little bit but haha had fun talking and laughing with them.
i just realised ws and me were tuition mates in p4 oh my gosh for chinese somemore.
hahah, what a coincedence right?!
this is so funny lahs, cant believe it too.
oh and after that went to nette's hse, supposingly wanted to make cake but still decided to do it on fri.
haha, yeah and we talked and talked until 8 then went home.
mostly bout the past and future.
it is a kinda cute conversation lahs, with nette, ct and celine.hehe.
i cant wait for our next gathering, we're gonna make it work man.
ahahah, gonna treasure it more than ever:D

anyway, there i just borrowed some books that are relatively different to my usual picks.
thinner in thickness too, i know i cant last a book two inches thick.
haha, need one though cos i havent been reading much.
and that explains why, SCHOOL'S REOPENING.
see, im back to my point.

takecare all of you.

A moment of announcement, a calendar long of contemplation.

2008-12-27T15:50:00.002+03:30

hmm, had 2e1 chalet earlier this sun to tues.
it was fun although many thought it wasnt.
but still i thought it could be better, people, the next one okay!
i dont really wanna walk a lot about it, cos im really have this urge of pouring everything down on
this something that i just experienced.

to be honest,
i'd rather i didnt watch the video.
its heart-breaking, overwhelming and totally disheartened.
i dont know how to start this.
and i wished i've nver encountered this ever in my life or either in future.
this was the first but wasnt as well.
it wasnt the first time somebody's leaving my social circle,
but definitely the first for someone who chooses to leave.
i dont know at all.
and i'm not enjoying the taste of this.
as much as i know why, i couldnt stop asking why, why?
i wouldnt want to start blaming, becos no one deserves to be feeling guilty.
all had enough that is what im sure.
so much gone thru and it hadnt been easy i feel.
and the amount that any of you are going through, perhaps i had no idea at all.
i just couldnt believe that was our last.
why? tell me earlier and i would have really cherished that day even more.
i guessed i understood the reason why i wasnt informed earlier.
but, i dont want it to be this way..
its like going to be something else missing.
terrible feeling but now i realised how much imprtance 6f means to me.
it's funny cos its not in the romance way, and the pain that you feel is yet so powerful- i couldnt explain the hurt.
i guess thats the sense of friendhip that strolled along as time goes by.
freindship always go further than all that love thingy.
i'll be hoping everything falls back into place soon.
i miss the times already.
:(tell me what i can do to salvage this.

~.~

2008-12-26T22:47:00.002+03:30

I actually posted a lot of pictures of the day we celebrated grace's birthday and netball bbq!
argh, but stupid blogger, all your fault lah.
i wasted like 2hours?!
anyway, went out for dinner with 6f peeps at pizza hut just now.
ate the same set again with another smaller one? lol.
haha, then went to open plaza talked a little while and "exchanged gifts"
and walked to safra from the mall like ard 30 mins?
and they started playing and stuff.
haha, but kweesiong and marlene went home first though.
glad that then came anyway!:)
i dont know why i can nver play that stick and ball sport properly man.
but its alright, jiayin's good so yeah represent us~
yeah walked to shin's hse half way with jiayin, ard 12 30?
yeah, watched this weird show and blah blah.
haha 3 23 am now.
later in the afternoon still have netball outing, sentosa or shopping?
kinda tired to go beach and broke to go shopping:X
and that means i have no time for studying tmr.
argh. panic again.

bye, will try to upload the photos man.
love.

School's reopening, i've contributed nothing to my academic progress.

2008-12-20T09:02:00.003+03:30

whatever. not.
i wish i can just leave the things there and do nothing about it, because i am so reluctant and lazy!!!
yeah, nothing wrong to admit that fact because im sure most of MY friends, i dont know whether it is a fatigue or what, are lazy too.
hahaha, thats why im not worrying so much but still its always at the back of my mind.
that panic.
but yeah at least i have two more weeks.
im currently looking for ppl to study with me after my chalet which is tuesday, so i can officially start you knw revising or studying.
argh.

okay about the past happenings, i actually forgotten about celebration for grace's birthday!
yeap so we went to celebrate her birthday the day before her birthday, the 15th.
they went to watch wildchild before i went to meet them at pizzahut.
hahas, i was kinda broke what.
and then they actually played the birthday song as instructed by val and yeah we sang but obviously val sang the loudest man~
in front of everyone,
luckily ours is a corner.
alright,i wasnt really hungry but yet ate the most like typical isnt it.
two pizzas and a plate of assorted fried stuff and another chicken drumlets.
did i mention i ate none? haha, yeah becos grace took care of almost all the chicken wings and drumlets and i ate the pizzas and the rest with the rest.
hahaha.
so yeah after it was late already and we went to the esplanade.
kinda fun,and took loads of pictures man.
i'll upload them soon

btw, had a really nice and enjoyable bbq with netball peeps!
will update about it more detailly soon!
though no one might be reading haha.
okays, i gtg to meet shin to make the cupcakes for tmr's chalet.
another can't-wait event.
byebyes!
till later.

i have no time, but im free. [?]

2008-12-17T09:14:00.003+03:30

okays.
just a little brief summary of what happened like two weeks ago?

alright, after korea trip, the day after i was back i slept until one.
okay thats not the point but still i was super tired cos i didnt sleep the day before.
haha, ghost stories and "true or dare" with many ppl in the hotel room cos its like last day so the ppl wanted to celebrate.
not in a happy way, but still celebrate in a way bfore we're gone.
yeah, it was fun and scary but we were all wary becos that is against the rule,
by tchers of cos.
and it got real stuffy in the room although outside was super cold.
fun fun fun. but a korean from our level, which is the only extra one complained us till the manager came up to warn the people hanging out at the corridoor.
lols, next morning we tried to act like we didnt do anything in front of the tchers.
seriously~*shakes head with approval*
anyway, yeah i love korea, Corea.

so back to the sub met with 6f peeps the next morning, 30th of nov.
(omg so long ago, i just realised)
celebrated jiayong and amirii's belated birthday at wj's hse.
had steamboat for dinner and had my first mvie marathon.
not exactly, but 4 that lasted the rest and i from afternoon through midnight.
two horrors, one moving story and a comedy.
crazyyyyy.
haha, dinner was great, it felt like a real family and it was really a fresh experience.
love it, and i want more to come!
last minute sleepover with no clothes to change and everything.
but unexpectedly, it was really really fun.
my last mvie was the grudge two at 3 plus in the morning..
hahas, i think everyone really enjoyed the part.
including those who were playing majong?
hahaha.
so cute lah, especially danette, she was peeping all the way!
then jj kept laughing waliao lamer.
hahaha, wj was jumping and rolling on the sofa though he kept asking me to watch.
lol, sb missed most of the movie i think. haha, kept asking us what happened but still dont wish to watch.
great fun with all of them,
ILOVEYOU ALL SO MUCH!

next, i forgot what already.
okays,
went out with grace and shin to watch a nice comedy.
animals ful of humanity.
beverly hills chihuahua,
humorous, exciting and adorable!
worth the tickets monehh.

trainings,
last two wks had kinda tough training.
mon and wed in sch,
fri at stadium.
it was the toughest of all.
i hope to see really good improvements.
i think its probably becos i've gain flabs cos my body and stamina really deproved to the max.
too much eating but i didnt much regret it.
stopped my diet since korea trip becos i saw ppl who ate a lot and had a lot of fun,
though not skinny but still manage to look fabulous and feel good.
so i've decided to not limit myself like the past, during the exam period.
i lost like 4kg if i wasnt wrong, happy with the results but missed out lots of fun moments with my fav food.
food heals emotional frustrations, that is a truth.

last mon i guess?
went to another movie with ruth, lynn jethra, grace, menglu, shin at cathay cineplex at somerset.
lols, four christmases.
quite a good movie but really requires mature understanding.
not like its rated lah.
it is through relatonships and commitments and compromising and realisation.
thats what i thought.
then went to grace's house for sleepover.
its the second day actually, now that i rememebered.
but haha, had some fun too.

then yesterday went out with nina, lynn, syirah, jiajia to buy food for today's bbq.
had a lot of fun and girls time.
we played badminton after that and haha kinda tiring too.
but yeah you guys rock so much man!

today:
BARBECUE!!!!
finally, one of the other events that i am looking foward to.
with upload some pictures after that.
hahah, looking foward to the food and bonding time!
hope a lot of ppl and seniors will come.
alright i am actually rushing now to go collect the food from insyirah's house.
bye, thanks for reading!

2008-12-11T17:13:00.003+03:30

2008-12-11T14:38:00.005+03:30

With all those memories back.

2008-12-01T07:28:00.006+03:30

people!:)
I just came back yesterday two days ago from this beautiful city of Korea.
It was winter time just so you don't know.
And it took a little time for me to adapt to the cold climate.
But it was just almost like a haywired aircon outdoors, or the ones which they used to keep pork?
haha, i am kidding la.
Alright, if you don't mind i am actually preparing to write a whole bunch of everything that happened there, because i'm so excited to share!
I'll just start from when i was at the airport then.
My dad, mum and sis came to sent me, plus shin and grace.
To be honest, i wasnt really sure what i was doing then cause it was just so sudden.
Perhaps it was because too many things were in between my schedule so you know, rather hard to be looking foward for the trip.
So i kissed goodbye and hugged to people and checked in with everything i have.
(YEAH, I FORGOT TO BRING MY BODY MOISTURISER! damn)
So we were given some time to like you know walk around inside, but apparently there was nothing we could buy since most of them were like expensive goods.
Strolled and entered the plane in the end.
We took the Korean Airlines, so everything's like either in korean or english.
Cool thing is that there's a screen in front of everyone's plane seat with a big variety of movies and songs, although i didnt manage to finish any in the end. :/
So i guess everyone were excited except for me?
I was still like subconscious(i mean it) and like telling lynn the ''i cant believe this and that'' phrase.
It was most probably the game and late night before i guess.
Okay, so when the plane was departing, it was like car speed x50? A little like roller coaster man and my ears were kinda blocked, but it wasnt that serious.
Okay, maybe im sick or what, but i actually liked it when there's turbulence ah.
Lol, i dont know because it felt kinda of assuring and like woah, i'm flying against thrst? or lift?
whatever, it just felt cool.
Slept a little, and woohoo, next thing i know i was reaching korea.

Going down was the scarier part cause my ears got super blocked and painful man!
learnt how to deal with it after that.
alright, this time, i was starting to get excited!
Because we saw the temperature and the time and the Incheon Airport.
7 degrees and 5 plus going 6?
Got out, saw our tourguide- Annie a local and Alice from singapore.
Went straight to siteseeing and as soon as we're out of the airport, we could see or breath in the steam form.
AHA! so everyone kinda started getting like fake asthma or something cos we kept blowing out air, amazed like retardeds. okay, maybe for me only.
alright, for this pictures will tell you what i did and saw there~

After that we went to the 3rd tunnel,
learnt about a little of the north and south korea's conflict and actually walked and climbed all the way up and down the tunnel which is lik i dont know how many km long.
it took like 20 to 30 minutes?
haha, super tiring, and for the first time we were all sweating.
it's super cool though, as it was considered as a good wrkout.
then we visited some other place before heading for lunch- Ginseng Chicken!

lols, anyways, there were so many things we had to do in a day..
so it was all packed and we just went to different places and walked around and everything.
dinner was good and cosy..
the I-MU was great, kept refilling the seaweed.
hahas, our group esp. the guys loed seaweed!
haha, you can just simply eat with the rice.
Cause their rice are like all sticky and nice.
yum.. haha.

then we went to our resort..
omg, im so lazy to post man... i'll do it tmr.. hahas, that's only the scond day!
omegoodness.
i'll talk about my funny AMAZING ROOMIES TMR!
TAKECARE PEOPLE. TAG OR COMMENT LAHHHHH!

I Can fly~

2008-11-23T17:24:00.002+03:30

okay seriously.
tmr is my first plane ride.
im kinda scared la, honestly.
lol, but i cant bear to leave this place for 6 days though.
i dont know.
went out with shin today to get some stuff.
haha, okay.
bought sneakers and some travel stuff.
alright, i gotta turn in early today cos tmr still got game.
omg, still gotta go down to bishan.
and then fly.
hopefully i can slp in the train ah.
okay, i love my readers!
enjoy your holidays~!
will update bout my trip once i come back~
takecare all:)<3

I am flying soon.

2008-11-21T17:47:00.002+03:30

had a really weird dream today.
okay firstly i had this dream that it's 1130 at night and i was packing.
apparently i was already late cos in the dream i was sure that the flight was at 1130pm.
i mean i dunno how in the hell i was so sure that the plane will wait for me because i still continue packing and packing and the things that i pack are like, facial stuff, cotton buds whole row of them and dunno, like no clothes.
lol. a few only.
like i dunno?
and then i woke up.
disturbed, i went back to sleep.
then i dreamt of the same thing.
like flight 11 30 and it was able to turn 1130 but i continue to pack and pack
wth right?
then i woke up again.
and i cant go back to sleep cos i was super disturbed and panicked a little cos i havent pack much yet.
like, wth i kept thinking and thinking.
toss and turned for 45 min trying to slp back..
in the end, didnt succeed so woke up..

fast foward, went to school for meeting for sec one orientaion.
omg, i didnt want to go to school one.
tiring you knw!
i wanted to change cos thought meeting's gonna be soon over..
in the end stayed there until 2 and went straight to bishan to meet gracie.
okay it was a wasted trip, disappointing.
but, yeah went to buy bread and had a long ride in the bus to gracie's hse.
she borrowed me two of her trenchcoats.
thnks a lot!
then we started going to this webbie to find job..
hope the pepperlunch can accpet us man.
but im not sure.
hais, then went home at 7 plus.
came home bathed and hurried to meet the rest for chalet discussion.
who knows?
it havent started.
and nothing came out of it in the end.
argh, seriously.
im not mad, just. ARGH!
nvm.

btw chanapa just talked to me!
yay, i missed her so much.
really wanna meet her lah.
she's in japan, i know im repeating.
and yes i just checked with her its uni.
siao you know.
but she said the language is hard to learn and she's bored.
lol, she's so funny ah.
haha.
I missed the past man.
:(

pink, omg. haha

2008-11-17T18:54:00.001+03:30

okay, since its late, i shall not drag a lot of stuff for this post.
yesterday went out with naz to go look for job.
more to the east side, and interview..
hahas, though the person was friendly but the job! argh.

then went around asking ard everywhere sia.
then had dinner at long john and went home..

today went to kallang netball centre.
played, won first match..
hehe, second and the rest postponed..
argh, got to go back on mon, day im leaving!
ahhh.
then after that we went to kfc,
omg, seriously my first fastfood meal in so many mths.
it was fulfilling though omg.
haha.
yeah then went to buy our PINK frienship bands.
and i finally got my winterwear liao.. 2 lah.
from ruth and shin.
yeah, tnr going out with netball babes!
can't wait, oh and buy souveniers for korea students also..
haha.
okokay, its really late.
and i'm hungry..
alright, byes people.
had fun today.

Hmm, maybe things can get even better?

2008-11-15T17:38:00.000+03:30

Good night people, it's at night right now.
Okay, just a review on this week,
Don't know the reason why but i just like refilling my memory, so that i don't forget that i actually accomplished something.
You know, rapid flow of happenings, argh.
Okay, i shall just stop praising about the camp, not like i don't know my own weakness.
But it was still great,
a really good way to start motivating me into other projects(for next year- sec1 and sec3 camp) and to not waste my holidays.
I actually feel that it's alright to not study if i don't wanna waste my free time.
Cause i wanna commit in enjoying myself, i really do okay.
I've been starting to prepare for my trip, and i will really need to borrow winter wear or protective clothes if i don't have enough.
Which i'm trying to use this blog as a little medium, not sure whether it will work though.
And i'm trying to enjoy myself through netball trainings and exercising and also, enjoy eating as much as i want.
Though three of those can't be fulfiled to the maximum, understandable.
Hopefully, i get to work too.
I need to earn some income for myself.
Mum has been spending a lot on me than usual, though not as much as others in similar case.
But i really appreciate it, since that's within her means.
Of course you can't imagine how much i would like to attribute to what both my parents have given me,
obviously i can't because of the on-off schedule and my confidence back on working again- still trying hard not to get put off by my setback.
Still, it will be lucky if i manage to get a job, i'm willing to accept pay as low as $4perhour, i'm not cheap but i'm just a little more desperate.
Moneymoneymoney, keep it rolling man.
Don't get surprised by that.

Okay, so i was talking about my week.
This week on a whole is way better than acceptable man.
I managed to tidy up my table, do a little cleaning in my room but too lazy to change my bedsheet.
You wouldn't want to know how long i've been using it.
OKAY, i lost count of the months, a big leak though.
But finally, it's much neater than it previously was.
I am proud of myself for that.
Started reading a book too, the one that shin read before.
So far, it kept me going on without feeling dried out so i guess it's quite alright.
Today went out with mama to people's park.
Okay, not the normal kind of shopping mall i know.
But i began to like this place today, because the stuff there is so cheap and durable and unique, partly because i know none of the people around me will go there to buy it.
Furthermore, food there is quite good and fruits are fresh and cheap.
Okay, i know i sound like an auntie, but here's nothing wrong with that lah.
I've got to admit that i've got a really unappropriate generation sense.
Now, that's something that's amiss.
Declaration: Go to chinatown at least within two months.
You should be able to understand this because chinese new year is approaching.
I like the whole ambience there.
Very traditional and auspicious.
Sweets and titbits and decorations.
Oh, best part is fooooood!
My aunt's curry and braised pork with seacucumber(i dont eat that) and soup and roasted duck.
OMG.
Okay, off-track too much.
I'm still going to do some studying though, KIASUUU
But not for this month, that's for sure.
I spent two weeks on STEP, remember!
duh.
Okay, i love you all but please comment can.
Back to the old spot.

OMG, how do you expect me to go get my pay next fri?
Save me a hole to dug inside.
(!!!!!!)

"Do something about it"

2008-11-14T14:34:00.003+03:30

When you think you're too fat, do something about it.
When you think the house is too dirty, do something about it.
Grades falling? Do something about it.
When friendship's not working, do something about it.
When you find that you're not doing anything while the others are, do something about it. Not just anything.
When you realise things are not working, do something about it.
When you find that they're not listening, do something about.
If you want soething to happen, do something about it, dont wait.
When you realise that the others are all happy while you're not, do something about it.
When you know that time is slipping away, do something about it,
something you'll never regret.

It just triggered me.
To do something for myself, for my team, for my friends, my family, my school, my dignity and pride, even my failures and weakness.
I am motivated to be a good leader, to bring out the best in people, to make them feel good about themselves, to make them strive for the better, to make them leaders that do the same thing.
All of a sudden, filled with such strong belief.
Reflecting was such a brutally-honest feedback.

Do something to alter your life too.

what happens when im away frm home.

2008-11-13T12:17:00.003+03:30

hahas, as you know i went to leadership camp.
it was the same old location, same old bunks, same old high elements.
but surprisingly this camp was much more enriching and fun then the previous.
it wasnt the same system as sec threes are joining the sectwos this time, plus the fact that sec ones joined us as well.
and there were more people compared to now.

First day:
found myself a group with members:
Hafiz(black listed)
Afiq(super black listed)
Danial(bear/polar bear)
Zuhree(hidden talented/story teller)
Shamsul(haha, i forgot his)
SaeTan(another who laughs a lot)
Guan Yi(vegetarian-chicken cooker(expert level))
Eugene(the responsible)
Grace(the charismatic)
JiaLing(the motivator)
XiuHan(the respected)
and me!
haha, maybe im the bastard 3 or step back person, well, maybe.

so, okay.
then we decided to have our group name as THINK!(with an exclaimation mark)
after that we played some games that required our team's unity..
played the rope one, the hula hop(did last year too), and i forgot liao..
listened for the talks and hehe lunch time.
then went for low element course.
blind-folded somemore.
i was freaked out you know.
but it wasnt that hard, cause at the second time, hafiz guided me and it was much easier, it was really quite assuring.
then second activity but that was super tiring.
sucked all the concentration away.
had dinner and played pirana game.
omg, i carried zuhree and dragged the mat over to the other side of the bondary but waliao, damn stupid of me to leave the mat and all the effort was wasted.
LIKE WHAT THE HELL!
haha, but in the end we finished first!
cause a lot of ppl carried each other lol.
it was tiring and fun.
after that went to bathe and talked in the bunk.
then fire emergency-
=.=
they keep asking us to go to sleep but in the end wake us up.
very funny lorh.

next day:
had PT as usual for all camps.
fauzi's grp led us.
was quite fun but waliao, buddha clap and everything, a bit torturing for morning la.
played the ring oss.
it was super challenging in terms of physical and mental.
man, we managed to climb up to hundred plus.
im so happy.
had early lunch and we started ropes course.
before that we had to sent people out there for orientation course, belaying course and planning course.
waliao, 9 elements altogether.
so we declared 4 to be completed.
i tried the one that i didnt succeed last year although i was supposed to be another.
i think it must be fate, since i was really sad about it for not completing.
funny thing was i was stucked at the exact same sub-element thing time..
it required so much strength i almost gave up.
thanks to huijuan who asked me what i wanted how i am going to achieve it.
and i started moving towards a goal that i set for myself.
guess what?
YES I MANAGED TO OVERCOME IT although i was shaking like hell.
I JUST COULDNT BELIEVE I DID IT!
im so happy you know that.
of course, grace and i were partners, so we had to support each other..
we both did it. so it was an accomplishment!
claps claps.
and thanks team memebers for cheering for us.it helped so much!
then we did the 3Dspider-weB..
didnt complete cause it started raining again.
(passing cloud-daphne said one)
and we did like 10 or more punishments cause we kept touching the boundary.
omg, i feel like im going to explain every single detail about what happened..
hais.. so played another game call 3-tier communication.
another fun game.
until our own barbercue(!!!!!) for dinner it was still raining.
like yeah right passing cloud~oh, so we finish bbq-ing all the food then started eating at 7 30 plus cause we got to set up own pit and fire right.
the chicken was nice, all thanks to guan yi.
and corn, and satay and fish ball and otah-otah.
lol, afiq told me thats the way they call it.
yayah mr owyong asand mr wan sponsered icecream too.
the funny part was when the other group started eating, we dig until finish for both tubs liao.
zuhree was like, ''eh yo just so much ah? we finish already~''
we couldnt stop laughing lah.
then someone i forgot who lah was like ''eee, why (strawberry) got chocolate one?''
damn disgusting lah.
zuhree ate until like its he's only.
hahaha
omg, my team memebers are damn cute okay.
its always meal time when i just cant stop laughing.
and i find that the team is united in a way when things are supposed to be done although it might take a lot of time.
today, ate breakfast and did the last actiavity.
the same one as last year.
just that there were more people this time
86.
siao
so the people had to climb on the knees, they push you up and the people on top pull you up.
like a flat wall and we got to reach go up just by using manpwoer.
loved this game like ever!
alright.
then clean up and pack up and left.
I REALLY LIKE MY TEAM MEMBERS, THEY CREATED SO MUCH FUN MAN!
THANKS HUIJUAN AND TEAM MEMBERS AND OTHER INSTRUCTORS ESP. DAPHNE TOO.
BEST CAMP OF THE YEAR!:)

i got to have some fun.

2008-11-10T11:59:00.003+03:30

went to play basketball yesterday with the usual people.
its a really casual gathering together.
played several games and turned quite violent..
hahas, but it was quite funny too!
but didnt manage to finish the 45 score game.
haha, if you know what im talking about.
hehe, didnt take any pictures, come to think of it.
but well, looking foward to the next one tho~

after that we discussed about our chalet.
YEAH, 6FCHALET!
i hope something comes out of it you know.
really wanna have some reallasting fun,
hmm at least for a darn few days.
uh huh, bbq and everything, always the conventional holiday programme.
hopefully the 'chorhiang chalet' is vacant so we can book it..
i think all of us prefered that one out of the other few options.
but well, it doesnt matter much as lng as we can get one.
you know, the least uh.
and hopefully a lot of people can come as well.
catch up with the others you know, missed some of them already.

ohh, friday went to national health campaign.
sticked with lynn all day.
and of course quan lin and celine.
hehe, it was great fun when we did the workout..
everyone was following the california instructors.
lol, okay the gym one, not the real californians.
haha, dancing and shaking, sweat a little bit.
enjoyed myself there the most, except for the part where we sat there since afternoon till evening under the baking sun, whoa hell you know how hot it is...
oh, not to forget the real blasting stereo speakers making everyone deaf.
i swear almost all of us felt that way, including those who covered their ears with their palms.
you know, like live bands and their songs oneer the other when we thought it cud be over like ''ahhh finally''
haha, yeah.
it was kinda fun after all.
yeap, saw like thousands of botak man..
haha the army people released for a little break?
they were damn high and gay when the did the workout.
lol, so reached home at 9 plus.
alright, it didnt end at 10 i dont know why also.

training today was quite alright.
it rained again!
i was damn unhappy about it because it always seem to rain during our training or half way through.
what the.
WHY!!!!!!!!!!!
nevermind.
so,discussed about bbq and jersey, took a long time as well.
hard to please everyone.
argh.
and went to eat with shin..
walked ard a little at the usual place and went to buy her black chicken.
lol.
why is it black? like i would know, shin.
haha, and went to lib to borrow two books and her house to get slping bag for tmr's camp.
and went home.

and and and.
I HAVENT PACKED YET!
for tmr's camp,
and korea trip on the following week after the next.
whatever.
yeah, gotta go eat and pack liao!
love ya people.

things that i couldnt bear.

2008-11-06T16:05:00.002+03:30

yeah.
you know,
i know that my previous post really sound sort of depressed and a little pessimistic?
well, its not that,
i dont know.
perhaps just a moment of thought needed to be expressed desperately,
in case it's forgotten.
things that have their sentimental purposes and existence.
thats how i'm going to jump to my next topic;

which is, this good friend of mine, i shouldnt be disclosing it because i didnt ask for her consent,
she's leaving the island to elsewhere for her studies after our final-crucial examination in 4-years' education, which is also publically known as the o'level.
whatever torture it is going to be like.
but she's leaving! its heartbreaking.

you know, such news always come by as unwelcomed ones, but yet isnt surprising because,
maybe you aren't aware that many of my gfs have left me either away from the country or to other schools.
its darn unreasonable.
why can some people have friends that stay with them throughout their life,
while some, have to be sepaprated even though they can still talk but its through the web,
different okay!

and in case you didnt know, a part of my close friends are either associated in foreign countries,from foreign countries or well just have plans leaving me!
i swear this suck.

btw, okay you know that i'm also quite close to shuting also..
sometimes, i feel like she can be quite understanding like a sister?
after all she's three years older than me.
although she can be a pain in my ass sometimes- look i am frank about this.
and its not like i wouldn't tell her this if there's a need.
however, the thing is she have became a lot better compared to last time
and she always doesnt fight back when i tell her she has done something i thought was wrong,
which can be quite harsh at times.

the fact is that, she might be leaving to canada after her o lvl.
i can choose not to believe it, but it means that i might lose another friend again.
what the hell is with my affinity with my social circle?
i dont need to make new friends,
because i have enough already.
i dont want to go through yet another tough experience of the inevitable process of building another close relationship with a friend.
i am lucky to have this group of people in my life,
and whatever you might say about how limited and narrow my perspective is,
there is nothing wrong to feel that way.

still i gotta thank shuting for being together with me during reccess, after school or going home when i would have been alone.
friends that are there when needed really touches my heart although i dont show it.

nevertheless, im glad people whom are reading or not,
that we can be associated as friends or close ones or buddies or whatever!
it is all inside.
THANKS FOR BEING THERE.

2008-11-06T14:47:00.000+03:30

Create your own Friend Test here
haha, take my test!
create long ago but didnt have the time to post this.

before i even know.

2008-11-05T14:41:00.000+03:30

i havent.

sddenly i realised everyone around me is so different now.
suddenly i realised life had begun to seem like a rolling tape that's traveling ten times faster than it should be
-in order to be enjoyed.
which it is not right now.
suddenly people turn against me.
suddenly i feel like i have became complacently ugly person, unconscious of my rudeness and behavior.
suddenly i feel like i am not someone i used to be,
someone that is much happier,
someone who is insistent on what is right and what is wrong,
someone who doesnt care much about other's opinions.
suddenly i need people to see.
to care, to know.
it's not alright.

why dont you tell me?

2008-11-04T14:45:00.001+03:30

oooohh, i wanna say.
haha, FINALLY after all that grumbling, people started commenting,
wow, so am i right to say that ppl read my blog bout didnt tag me?

that's worse okays.
hahah.

well, at least you bothered to tag lahs.
hahas, so i was just wondering what i should write for today,
since i really felt like blogging.
but i had no idea what, at all.
thus i started thinking about what happened today and yeah wanting to post the interesting stuff to keep YOU entertained,
even if i dont succeed, i wouldnt want you to feel like you've wasted you trip and like i didnt try my best at all.
okay, just try to appreciate okays!

today was okay,
lessons was slightly more interesting than yesterday.
really! yesterday was bored, and i totally felt like sleeping okay.
not that i absolutely felt awake today as well, but as least there was some really funny and interesting moments during lesson time
physics period, mr yeo showed us a laser that cost him US$70-80 BUCKS.
LIKE SIAO, I WOULDNT EVEN LAY A CENT ON A NORMAL LASER!
yeah, but its a much better and high quality one compared to the normal conventional red kind.
firsly, its greeeeeeen(-v-) and it has a high frequency so by placing a glass in front of the light, you can see a whole beam of light,
which is pretty cool isnt it.
and i finally understood the difference between a dvd and a vcd.
i mean, i really had no idea before that that a dvd produces a clearer image than vcd!
did you know that?
i must be a low-GK moron.
and mr yeo said the light can be seen and reflected on objects from far away even a few blocks away from your house, or stars or a helicopter flying across,
one condition-at night, that is.
haha, thing is he said it was illegal to point at aircrafts, helicopters whatsoever and they have the right to bomb you or sue you,
or any kind of penalisation.
which one silly guy did in US and he got bombed and sued even though he was already well, half-dead still lying on the bed.
how unworth-it isnt it.
oh, and we started on light today,
which reminded me of the days when we got taught by mr yeo in the past and yeah, got a little notebook to write down the notes,
remember?
and i still managed to remember when cher asked me to answer- i was lost and suddenly it just popped up in my head.
all thanks to my ex-class!
hahas, then we kept recaping things that we learnt in sec2, like focal length and so on..
okay and suddenly when everyone's busy copying notes,
we heard this sharp dog-like bark from the back of the class.
=.=!!! waliao i literally jumped a few milimetres from my seat i tell you.
first thing that came to my mind was, since when did we have a dog in the class?!
and secretly thought it was end of the world.
(you know, like some movie when some beast-like humans start screaming and the whole sky turns incredibly dark- eternal solar eclipse)
im half exaggerating.
but it was just that spit second that so many things just scanned through my mind.
funny that i didnt think of my parents first.
okay, it was shaun's sneeze btw.
and the whole class turned to him, silent and stunned for a whole second
and started laughing.
it was just this fear and after joy, for me, so glad that it isnt the end of the whole because it was this horrible bark you know, breaking the silence of concentration.
just imagine that.
okay, i think i just spent 5 mins talking about this.
there was a lot more laughter today, compared to the normal STEP programme.
i mean, its dead boring and i really had no mood to study, despite how much i've been telling myself,
i've reaallly got to do it.
self-motivation haven't been workng anymore, nowadays.
i really want the spirit to come back, care about nothing else and just focus on studying.
not possible though, im not the type.
okay, i still wanna play netball though.
i miss the seniors playing with us, because to be frank, there's so much more passion and commitment in the players.
now?
i dont know what else to say.
does the problem lie with me, being one of the leaders?
is it because of something lacking?i'm sure something is amiss,
but i can't figure out what.
i like this team a lot, so much, very very much.
especially my batch and the previous, but of course my juniors, all of them..
sec ones are showing, getting better and you can see those who are really committed are showing good results, as in playing.
sectwos? I REALLY AM NOT SURE.
i know who's committed and who's not, or rather, all of us know about it.
it's so unfair when those who aren't committed still get to play and participate in large events and get the credit you know.
too bad that they aren't able to see what i wrote here.
i dont know what to say to them too,
sadly disappointing.

i know this isn't interesting at all.
so im just gonna stop here.
i hope STEP programme can end really soon.
because i wanna enjoy the holidays and get started as well.
hopefully starting a studying group with ex 2e1s?
i thought we agreed on starting one together?
since last year and it haven't really officially started.
we should really do that, can bond and catch up dont you think so?
chalet? i am worried about it too.
only thing im sure is 6f gatherings are always kept going and its the most lasting one.
how rare and proud it made me.
really, i am looking foward to our chalet and outings too, i mean it.
especially chalet, this year, next year?
i would surely go even beyond my means.
i mean, any means, time and contribution.
really, thanks all for giving me such great faith, even till now.
i'm so amazed that we're still together lah.
hahas, love y'all so much.
dont ever doubt that deep affection!
you know lah, haha.

okays. i gotta go now.
still have to do my homework- i seriously need so more catching up, especially my previous chapters.
well, thanks for visiting again
loveyou peeps.
may tomorrow be better and i can't wait for netball!

2008-11-02T07:59:00.002+03:30

almost scared the hell out of us.
thank whoever who blessed him!
no lah, my cat went missing for less than a day, but spent the night outside the house.
i didnt really understood how he went missing cause apparently noone let him out.
its funny, this is not the first time too.

okays,
back to the daily stuff.
yesterday went to jb with mum.
okays, for a monthly appointment.
so shopped a little, ate quite a lot.
walked around a bit at causeway point and bought a turtle neck.
its just three weeks to my korea trip if im not wrong.
and its crazy that i havent started packing and getting the borrowed stuffs ready.
well, maybe another week.
hmm, hope its really gonna be fun you know.
my first plane trip.
believe me, thats why im actually nervous about it too.

another thing.
im starting to get a little uneasy because i realised,
NO ONE IS READING MY BLOG!
okay, it might just be a conclusion from the way no one actually left a comment, except the one that i left myself.
but instinctively, it' seems true to me.
i know, cause the irony is that i asked for confidentiality-if there's such a word,
i mean its clearly written from my URL.
but, i mean from my usual blogging experiences, people used to tag me and
that shows that they come to my blog la.
it's quite infuriating- then who am i writing this for?
well, however due to this routine that's becoming a habit of writing something once in a while for the least, im going to continue.
maybe this post is going to be discovered a few days after i post it.
i am going to be cool about that okays!
hahas, i really wonder how those famous bloggers make it to the star level of the blogging industry lah.
really, because even i myself visit blogs more than i blog, that's for sure.
i go to stranger's blogs as well,
dont get me wrong okay(whoever if there is gonna be any at all)
im not a stalker, i meant hmm those who are popular or known,
which i will have no apparent reason to get to know them.
yah, but blogging is really interesting and it is addictive, literally
but i hope, its not the fatal kind you know.
alright, thanks for reading man.
it means a lot to me!
oh and please just leave a comment or pen down how you feel.
at least something!
haha, it will gratify okay.

maybe i was wrong(~)

2008-10-30T15:37:00.000+03:30

hahas, today was quite alright.
had physics tigerforce training after school.
sounds like some strong team, we are in fact the weakest in class for physics.
its alright, im learning to start from the bottom.
see, everything i do im having the same principle- my latest one, that is.
so yeap, i manage to get 4 of them wrong out of 20 which is something im quite proud of,
although i realised how slow and unaware i was with physics.
so, after that went for korea trip meeting..
didnt know today was a bonding session, you know like so we can get to know each other more by the time we get to korea..
hmm, i ate provided-lunch and went out of school with lynn to get hers too.
provided too. haha
okay, so we went back and satred playing games, the rest were already there so we just joined them.
quite fun, have to do our own cheer and so n.
lol, my group got 6 netballers out of 8 and only one boy..
alfred's brother somemore.
hehehe.
alright, hope everything goes fine, im starting to look foward to it.

im looking foward to tomorrow's lunch.
dunno why, i miss my brother and our friday lunch and laughs and talks.
haha, maybe we can eat the fruit bowl again... heh heh, jw's favorite and there's allen's favorite natadecoco too..
hahas, its damn funny.
I MISS 2E1 SO MUCH.

what the hell is wrong with me?

2008-10-29T17:33:00.003+03:30

i read other people's blogs and realised well, not all but most of them are unhappy.
not to say, i arent feeling much better too.
with terrible mood swings, i wonder what's going on with my hormones.
its been a tough week so far.
really, firsly i was sacked after two official and one overtime work just because i couldnt finish it,
and yes i was much to my shame, fired in other words.
how depressing is it, how disappointing was i with myself and even my future.
simply a comment i wasnt sure whether its sincere at all, i am now temporarily very unsure about my further career decisions.
i really really was already committed, hoping everyday would be better as long as i work hard battling with my schedule(not anyone's fault) to travel all the way there and as long i am given a chance.
despite judging by the way she refuse to look at us during the meeting to show us that we really didnt matter amongst all of the others, like we're outsiders, irrelevant.
okay, it is mostly likely just me.
i really must admit that i am really a slow learner, i took a whole day to learn and yet i made so many mistakes.
i even cause her to have wasted a whole day because she spent time checking my work telling me how careless i was and so many others i still could remember and list all of them out if you'd bothered to ask.
i nod and nod sometimes giving reasons, you know cause thats what people in tv shows depict when their boss are telling them off and well, maybe it makes me feel like i am resposible of something although now its an opposite case.
i really dont wanna sound like its anybody's fault, i wouldnt say its my fault too because i am new.
yet, i was screaming in my head, because my teachers or parents dont tell me off till this extend when i do anything wrong or when i didnt pass up my hw. or whatever, i didnt get scolded like this at all.
even when my teachers are earning they wont even scold me like that.
okay, you are paying, but i'm not even sure whether i will get my pay in this case.
i was just starting to ask myself when im typing, correcting my work, why am i doing this? money or work experience, and it struck me that it might be worse next time when i come out and work.
i cannot take this even in future.
is studying really going to help? what if i'm still unable to deal with it, then does it mean that my education years are all down in the drain?
then should i really study hard like what adults have been making sure children know this since they are young?
it is so cruel, and it left us apart from a little distance thats invisible because it clearly states where we belong now.
can only blame it on my inability, but i'm telling whoever's interested i need guidance and time (i know your company is rushing for results!) and you ignored me!
to describe how i feel when i was asked to ask for the errors, and people blamed each other.
in the end i feel like im the one being blamed even when i feel its obviously their mistake.
why cant i even ask a question?
isnt that how i am going to improve?
but you just answered like as though i should have known, im retarded, when nobody has actually told me about it at all, i swear i knew nothing about things related to it.
i am only here for 2 half days and another overtime.
what format, what formula, order, account no. , deposit?
i knew nothing, you did it, corrected for me but didnt tell me how and why.
and say that it's my fault.
i wished i wasnt employed in the first place, cause it was obvious that you didnt approve of us isnt it.
given with so much hope and silly expectations.
should i even say thank you for giving me a chance to gain some good horrible experience?
or anything else, im sure you wouldnt think its your fault.

im not going turn on sounding pathetic on this blog leh.
lol, just complaining you know, i have to find a way to excrete all this!
sincerely apologise.
about val, if you're reading this. well please dont tell anyone working there or even her that im writing about her, cause you know, i might get sued who would know.
i trust you okays, thanks.
i just need to fa-xie, you know i dont feel good about it.
and yes, you dont have to blame yourself, not your fault.
it was already expected, like when i guessed it.

okay, thanks for reading peeps.
i am going to start working on my confidence and looking for lower pays jobs.
quite desperate lol.
like what my grandma told me.
i am not going to prove wrong to anyone i decided.
i am so glad and thankful to people(all) when i told them that i was fired they didnt demoralise me you know lah.
my parents, grandma, shin, shuting, lynn, sahidah, james? still got more i think..
lols.
haha, not that i wanna spread, but i have to clear myself out of you know, being employed catagorised.
good thing is that i can stop worrying about netball and stuff. manymany stuff kept inside.
okay, good luck to all of things i do.
i really need it.
and you too!
byes~

so new to me.

2008-10-25T13:45:00.000+03:30

worked yesterday.
yes, it wasnt easy at all( continued from grace's blog)
it was such a different experience, and i need a lot of time to get used to it.
yeah, but i was glad i had this opportunity.
learned stuffs that are higher levels, which doesnt much require much education level.
alright, today was quite tiring too.
woke up early in the morning to finish what i didnt manage to finish at workplace.
and well, i finished it! only some amendments to be made plus checkinf on tues, hope it goes fine!
i was damn disturbed by my inability to absorb those new information.
hahas.
okays, so i ate damn lots of bread and cake today.
shall not elaborate it.
but well, i've got a big bowl of grens that's so colourful to compensate the guilty glucose i consumed in different forms.
haha, okays, i hope everything's gonna be fine~
dont know what else to say.
goodbye.

TODAY.

2008-10-23T13:54:00.000+03:30

MY ZODIAC READING FOR TODAY:
There may be a rather confusing element to the day for you, dear Aries, in which you feel tempted to act, but yet not all the pieces seem to be in place. It could be hard to make a decision about things since the facts seem to be quite clouded. You're better off spending this day enjoying your friends or your favorite hobby, rather than trying to make any major life decisions or commitments.

Today: Last day of school
results that seem okay for me..
wanna say its a disappointment but was still glad that i didnt fail subjects.
everything is just, argh i dont know.
i just know i have to start now.
thats the priority.
think of nothing else.

except my job as well.

How much you need to know.

2008-10-22T16:26:00.000+03:30

i really like going out with 6f peeps.
saturday was such a great day, we met in the morning and went home really late.
hahas, wrote other details in my diary.
lol.
you cant read it, but thing is i enjoyed myself.
whole day with these people and it wasnt enough.
i didnt want to leave if it wasnt that late.
will post picts soon.
i love you all, thanks for everything!
although it wasnt my birthday celebration.
i think i didnt thank you that time btw.. hahas.

2008-10-11T12:39:00.005+03:30

i feel so aimless now.
argh. thought the ending of exams might make me more... free.
like getting enough sleep and enjoy myself.
lol.
apparently it doesnt seem so.
maybe i was just used to waking up early and having something to
do after i go home.
after all thats a repeated routine in the last five days.
and its over,
just like that.

a mild clean breeze makes me feel so much better.
i kept eating today, probably due to the restricted diet and lack of sleep.
but its so unhealthy lah,
irregular meals.
nevermind i do deserve all this right.
had a nice and tiring day yesterday.
satisfaction of buying something.
although i really wanna get some top for myself.
perhaps i would go out sometime with mum, if she allow.
i guess im my mood is getting a little disorganised.
didnt go with girlfriends too.
i felt really sorry and guilty.
i miss us going out, but really was just physically tired.
will go next time, surely.
anyway, i was doubting my unexcitement to going korea.
not that i'm not happy with lynn, ms neo and ms kaur going.
really, im so glad they are going.
but then, yeah, that's why im doubting myself for feeling so indifferent about this trip.
perhaps its the people who are going.
and i have just no idea what to get for the trip.
like so many things, and i wanna look different there.
well, remind me of the people's who's going and i'll start to have second thoughts.
i really like shopping at stores that are japan or korea based.
not the cosmetic stuff, but hmm, family or personal stuff.
dunno, it makes me feel like an adult or like mature, especially organised too.
i have to start worrying what to bring for this 5 days short trip.
yeah, loads i guess.
tired to think.
okay, i really need some food now.

anyway, suddenly i was missing chanapa after i went to her friendster profile.
she's in japan now, if im not wrong, in university.
and her life seems really full of experience.
some day i would like to visit her and those other people too.
i wanna travel around.
i can't stay here, if you know what i mean.
like, catch a deep breath.

ignore the weird arrangement of topics.

2008-09-27T17:17:00.003+03:30

today's a pretty good day!
fwoke up in the morning, looking foward to go out with mum.
changed surprising fast and waited for mum.
hahas, that was like one of the rarest.
and after that took a long ride to woodlands, meanwhile i did my chem ionic equation practice!
hahas, not easy to do so when its a little too chilly in the morning and also its travelling so was kinda bumpy.
it was rather faster than i exepcted.
well, so we went to city plaza at johor and so on.
hmm, it was really boring there, to be knida frank.
except for its padini store and vegetarian food, its so great, yum yum.
not some restaurant btw, but it just taste amazingly good and cheaper than those in singapore, pardon for this comparison.
okay, and my mum's. and grandma. haha.
i miss malaysia man.
okay, nevermind will jump to that later on.
anyway yeah, had plenty of food when i'm not supposed to, because as you know.
but well, i decided to give myself a lil break and start back tmr.
i know im able to.
so yeah, my mum had quite a lot-more than me even.
she claimed that she wants to lose weight too.
hahas, so there's more power to my goal right now.
so, okay we walked around up and down and decided to go to holiday plaza, another mall.
i really like the bumpy, uneven and unorderly roads in malaysia.
i know its not as safe(itsnot) but i just like it so much.
unlike here when things are all so organised and i cant say boring but just, toooooooo safe and strict.
there's just no life to it.
i'm not an excitement adventurer but dont you just agree with me?
maybe not, but who cares.
yeah, so did buy much for myself, but just really enjoyed myself walking around and having some random and subjective chats with my mum.
we actually laughed at our own bodies.
its some self-mocking joke.
lols, it was just good to be spending time with your mama or papa maybe.
and yeah, cause its really important okay.
well, if you know what i mean.
hmm, yeah shoot me back cause i know its exam period and im not supposed to be going anywhere else.
except for the toilet.
hmm, but i still got to go next week.
yeah, no restrictions for going, but i'll still study hard.
hahas. no point saying al these.
okay, so yeah.
i was just saying i miss malaysia life.
i really do.
i miss my grandma's house, like the ''village'', the house, her food(ahhhh), the restaurant tofu we always eat when we go there, the polluted air, the motorcycles, the rides
and no, not the mosquitoes and lizards.
yeah, but so much more!
i was thinking of going to stay there for a mth sometime.
soooon, but is it possible.
living here is just well, not torturous or neither is it horrible like hell,
but its just so stressful.
i know its such a commonly-used understated word.
but for someone so unable to handle stress and laid-back like me, i cant take it.
although you are just so going to doubt my words maybe, because of the class or anything.
but really i am, so unwilling doing it, and unsure of what is going to happen in future.
like is there even going to be any future for me?
or either, please, i dont want a future like that.
easily picked from the streets and surely one out of five is reaching its peak of insanity or stress level.
dont judge it as some proven statistics though.
thats why, i wanna just stay in that little place where you dont get what you want and you are just as satisfied.
and you just spend time maybe growing fruits and vergatables, enjoy spending time with cousins, watch tv do housework all day long. have durians too often than occasional, eat crabs together at the restaurant once in a while, do some cashier work at a little store, get small pays and buy cheap sustainable clothes and accessories.
and go to the town to be amazed at how developed the city had became within half a mth or so.
buy a little expensive stuff and go mad~
babysit my new nephew and play with him.
oh yah, also learn how to speak cantonese, malay and a tune of malaysian accent of mandarin and lastly ride a motor and look like a turtle head in oldfashioned and stuffy helmets, both legs open unsightfully,
but most importantly im smiling outside and inside.
thats the life i wanted.

2008-09-13T13:46:00.002+04:30

uhhuh.
im back, again.
yeah, its a pretty saturday today.
unlike my past saturdays, i've been coping myself at home,
because, no one asked me out.
plus, i wanted to sleep more and spend time at home. hmm, yeah, to study if i could.
but its 5 plus now, and i haven't started yet, though the textbook's just lying right in front of me, for the last few hours.
well, blame it on the computer.
anyway, i will be so proud to say that i went for jogging yerterday night!
it was a great distress moment frankly speaking.
i could let thoughts that i normally dont have time for, to run though thoroughly and you know, enjoying spending time with myself..
although it was kinda scary.
but anyway, im looking for people to go jogging with me.
so, shall be waiting for the news~
hmm, anyway, i changed my blog skin.
and really like it, although its kinda kiddish.
well, thats actually the reason why i chose it lah.
i shall wish everyone a happy mooncake festival, i know its tomorrow but well, we can still celebrate it earlier or whatever right.
so, yeah. enjoy eating all your mooncake!
btw, i've had mine already, like finally~
hahas, enjoy your weekends!

:)embracingluv.
you people.

I AM BACK. DONT BEG FOR THAT:)

2008-09-11T13:47:00.002+04:30

hmm, it's been long since i really blogged.
was wondering if anyone, anyone really read my blog, tell me because its not assuring.
:(
see no point in blogging. ahhh.
well, common test was sort of almost completely very very disappointing.
yeah. chem and maths especially.
i shall not bring up my regrets for not studying enough. well, i am doing that now.
stupid dumb stupid.
i felt like crying when i was doing the paper.
especially chem.
that hasnt been familiar ever since dont know when ah.
just hope i can get like Bs for chem and hopefully if my mathematical intelligence is still working, an A for maths.
not asking for a lot right.

anyway got back chinese paper today.
note that i just had that yesterday.
like super fast okay, shi laoshi.
she's a really a thoughful teacher anyway.
hahas, yeah got 36. do the math if you're interested.
quite satisfied cause i didnt study much for it.
yeah, at least it can pull up my current b4 grade for chinese, urgh!

alright. i really dont wish to be talking about studies work and results,
but mind me cause i've got nothing else to talk about.
after all all i do all day is staring at the board and teachers for more than 5 hours plus eating and get some entertainment and sleep.
plus now, yes, study study, revise revise.
i know i sound completely studious and like all i care is study and as though you know, i've been studying a lot.
hmm, i am studious if you dont get it, and i havent been studying a lot although i really want to be a geek at studying.
gosh. how do i sound man?
right, commom test had been a little struggle, it makes me really worried about my final year.
let alone my o levels.
two more weeks to go, im still not ready yet.
i feel like, this uncertainty and pessimist rising beyond me every day that passed.
i have to do it. its a more than usual kind of panic im experiencing these year, apparently because the recent stuff i learnt had been quite a handful. too fast for me to absorb.
but i'm gonna cling on man. make sure you do too.
hahas, we, the people who know my blog, and read it often(so you're able to see this) SHALL ACE the test.
one more to go, and i'll be committing my time for studies.whole-heartedly, i hope.
hmm, time for some tv, and i'll be going for the last minute study.
bahbye.

throwinglove.
make sure you get it.
:#

2008-07-31T14:41:00.001+04:30

Your subtleties They strangle me I can't explain myself at all. And all the wants And all the needs All I don't want to need at all. The walls start breathing My minds unweaving Maybe it's best you leave me alone. A weight is lifted On this evening I give the final blow. When darkness turns to light, It ends tonight It ends tonight. A falling star Least I fall alone. I can't explain what you can't explain. Your finding things that you didn't know I look at you with such disdain The walls start breathing My minds unweaving Maybe it's best you leave me alone. A weight is lifted On this evening I give the final blow. [Chorus] When darkness turns to light It ends tonight, It ends tonight. Just a little insight won't make this right It's too late to fight It ends tonight, It ends tonight. Now I'm on my own side It's better than being on your side It's my fault when your blind It's better that I see it through your eyes All these thoughts locked inside Now you're the first to know [Chorus x2] Tonight Tonight Insight When darkness turns to light, It ends tonight .
old song, but i love it.

2008-07-26T20:05:00.001+04:30

2008-07-26T20:05:00.000+04:30

brrrrrrrr.
three test postponed to next week.
happy and sad thing.you know huh.
nvermind, at least i still got tomorrow for revison!
i have to overcome myself!
alright, i really have to play a serious and tiring game.
i feel so overwhelmed by the insufficiency of being honestly occupied.
because im always doing it, but im not in it.like i
m busy but im still not!
and im so disturbed by that!
i had been wasting a lot of time you know that!
i have to do well, i just have to.
i need to sweat it all out or scream out my lungs, my throat, i dont care what.i should have meant, i need both.
yesterday was MOE EV interview.
wasnt great, kinda nervous,
but still manage to speak lahs.had a 15 min or lesser game of netball.
alright, i ran and ran. screamed and shout.
didnt know what i was doing, totally went a bit off.yeay,
pe was over and i was damn deprived.
bio lesson was quite engaging, first test postponed cause we all were like negotiating.
hahas, and it was a success! thanks to the class.
then played something, but the sweets were the objective,
so didnt really care about anything.
just did accordingly to instructions.
mr ang is getting more involved, or should i say he's more approachable now with the class.
was completely different from the first lesson!
it was partially disastrous!
mdm zarinah havent been coming to class nowadays.
kinda missed her nagging.l
ols, and im not kidding!
yes, today went out with shin, skipped gym this week.
as well as last week.
argh, was kinda persimistic about it.
alright, went to orchard road.
hahas, at first was like walking through this paragon.
its soooooooo, urm unsuitable for us okays
walk to takashimaya in both towers!
practically the whole tower.
urm, first tower wasnt our type lahs.
okay, maybe shin's
second one was better,
i mean there's food, how worse can it get uh?
walk and was tired and listless.
i had no motivation to continue okays.
just kept on going.luckily had early dinner.
was full and kinda satisfied, all spicy dishes!
and i decided t get a fish pancake.
yumyum. will post later.
walk ard to digest cause my stomach was heavy and bulging.
saw many ppl there as well.walk walk at the streets,
commenting and laughing at stuff.
hahas.
was feeling much lightened up.
walked ard for a while at wisma,
saw runrun there.hahahas.
then walked ard in the mall,
saw these cool stuff at cotton shop.
urm, the pyjamas we wanted for chalet,hairband and the 'sleep-in-the-dark enhancer'(?)
they are so adorable,
i wanna get the pants the most and hair band.
argh, next time.then went home,
headed in different directions~
first time. haas
okays, some picts.

2008-07-18T17:43:00.002+04:30

well. i dont really know what to write.
i feel like,
bloody hell stressed up.
my nerves just cant get anymore tightened.
so many things to settle alright.
3 tests next wk, plus one chinese compo competition,
new topics are taught,
plus netball matters.that one's making me really knocked out.
with an unecessary serving of council investiture is kinda making me worried because, basically we have nothing here with us at all.and its just less than a month left!
DAMN!
you know how hard it is when you struggle to fit into your own expectations.
while people just are oblivious, cant blame them because its not time for them to realise it yet.
but, its the responsibility.
i've come to the point, where i jumber all my priorities up.
although i know which is most and least important.
its what matters to you that's rising upon your mind.
and im so conscious of it.
everyone has their responsibility, but i feel like thats all i've got.
tried thinking about but it became worse.
every page of my mind's practically blank.

but nonetheless, it not time to give up, just releasing it out wouldnt do any harm right.
its not just a statement, thats how im gonna prove it.
wait and seeee.

fear.
love.

2008-07-14T17:25:00.003+04:30

my personal confidence buster:
PROCRASTINATING!

from the magazine..
lols.
its true isnt it?
yes, all kinds of stuff like exercising to doing homework to studying.
to bathing!
lols, i havent bathe and its like9 plus.
what the hell. typical but because im so lazy!
shit, no more procrastination lah!!!
i cant save money and i eat way too much, beyong control!
omg. reality check is good, but i often cant do anything about them..
god.
alright, i really.
argh!!!
and yeah, its really hard to control my emotions nowadays.
yeling at parents and stupid mood swings.
they all really make you feel really bad after that.
and i guess i actually stuff myself with food.
but i must really admit that i've gotten a lt better, compared to the days during the holidays.
i've completely lost touch with my bones!
lols, although its not obvious now too.
heys, i just gotta go.

hopefully tomorrow's gona get better.
loves, loved ones:)

2008-06-29T12:34:00.003+04:30

yesterday was the concert as you know.
was kinda fun.
morning went to shin's hse to 'dress up'
yeah, she painted val's fingers and toes black and pink.
and mine metallic blue. kinda like it.. at least not that pinkish red?
hahas, but anyway thanks sooooooo a lot, cause i was like picky about it?
especially that specific index finger?
argh!
shin did the make up and instant-permed her hair.
she's like a future beautician?
hahas, val did kinda look like one princess doll.
three of our outfits were kinda different style.
val's prom-like and mature.
shin's chic, cute but the modern type.. (with her olive-grey shoes, sizzzz.)
mine was okay compared, but i liked it, although was kinda uncomforetable at first..
oh, we were kinda late for the makeup for grace.
didnt even know how to get there at first.
hahas, and poor shin's feet were all swollen and red.
hahas, finally got there and rushed a little.
spent like 25 mins in the toilet, and she's done.
all pretty and very appropriate for a MC.
i would say all thanks to shin lah.
hugged before she go get prepared.
we were like behind-the-scenes-assistants.
hahas, its kinda fun though, except the time wasnt really managed well.
then we went to have dinner just outside the concert hall.
took a little pictures and went in...
the performance was really great.
very influencial and beautiful music.
some's like fun and quirky.
some mysterious and religous..
lols.
some retro and LOUD.
hahas, but nonetheless its not enough you know.
i meant it was too short.
ooohh. there was the drummer who did an amazing solo and of course mr tan with his.
oh, and i really find trumpet sexy and saxophone really romantic.
and the brass' are deep and mysterious..
oh, my favorite part was the Evergreen 70s, with 3 different pieces in it
its amazing all of the instruments are able to play and create all this beautiful melodies.
and i really missed band!
i mean it pcs.
well wad can i do? im in netball now, and i have no regrets at allllll.
:)no one's asking me anyway. lols.
after grace changed and everything, we went to have dinner/supper, you name it.
at macs at tamp..
talked until 12 plus, me and grace walked shin home..
then we bought smething at 7 elevn and talked.
time really passed very fast.
talked about all kinds of stuff..
yeah, and bought my mashed potato while she bought her hot chocolate again at 7 eleven.. so convenient.
oh, and there wasnt like totally no one there at all.
there's like one gang just behind us.. drinking beer and smoking, while we were like sipping hot chocolate or fruit jucie..
see the difference man.
and its not totally quiet, there's still another bunch of cyclists stopping by at 7eleven- totally decent people.
oh, i was really relieved..
hahas, got tired so we walked ard the path back to where we were and went to small macs beside interchange.
slpt a little and my dad came and sent both of us home.
it was going 6 btw!
we stayed overnight! without a proper shelter and bed.
lols.
was really tired, went home and slpt.
woke up at 1 just now, and we have to continue with our stupid dull life back in school again!
i dont get it at all.
its really pointless.
i havent done any hw yet..
got to do it anyway..
hahas, will post again soon..
REALLY HAD FUN YESTERDAY!:)

some pictures,
my nails, before they disappear after today. hahasim did said i was going to post these pic:0
the great mc for the day:)
yeap, my fav and only pic we had together yesterday:)
shin and me with my 'blusher' yah.-.-

:)loveLOVE.

2008-06-20T17:52:00.002+04:30

yeap, im back to posting.
went to camp and malaysia for the past two wks.
sec2 camp was a learning experience for me.
once again got to see the place that i'd long to go ever since last yr's sec2 camp.
it just felt like a home to me.
somehow, alright.
the instructors there were nice, but really, i do prefer last yr's more.
didnt bear to leave the place before we left.
cause this time, i know, its impossible to go back the next time already.
on the way back, grace fell aslp immediately okay.
poor her, must be really tired.
and yeah, followed by me.
and later one of the student said we slept like zzzzzzzz like pig.
took charge of 2n2. great class, very enthusiastic.
i had fun, and i was glad.
oh, we saw melvin there!
he did remember us, but more of grace i thought.
lols.
alright, CK WASNT THERE!
i was so wishing he could alright.
still missed him a loooooot.
honestly, nothing can be compared to our campfire last year. its the best ever.
my best ever:)

went to malaysia the next day.
took a night train there!
lols, about 6 hours and so, reach KL.
checked in into a hotel, and went straight to have breakfast.
ate a lot just within 2 hours.
haha, kept stuffing myself with food.
but i was enjoying it!
then went shopping after resting for 2 hours in room.
mum's long time childhood friend called her and she offered to bring us ard..
and her hair salon.
she helped me cut my hair, and my both sister's for free.
then she brought us to a huge shopping centre where we spent the whole afternoon at.
didnt shop for a lot of things, but had fun walking ard.
they had so many things, its so hard to decide which's the best..
had dinner with my mum's friends, their treat.
yumyum food, not high classed but like those i've always loved, with ppl gathering ard and dine and laugh together.
we went to mum's friend to stay instead.
second day, went to eat at the roadside indian coffee shop to have breakfast.
it was yummmy!
omg, oily but really, it was just greaaat.
then proceeded to sunway lagoon.
and i have to say, i wouldnt want to go back for the next two yrs!!!
long story..
sunway pyramid was way better although its a shopping mall.
had sushi king, ate quite a lot and went around again.
it was just huge, again!
went home after that ard night time.
third day, had dumplings and choclate cake for breakfast.
dumplings were made by aunty! its great alright.
im still craving for it now and them.
im not a dumpling person as you know.
mum and her friend went to have coffee while we go shopping on our own.
got a few stuff for myself.
shopping with sisters is quite fun, especially in somewhere you arent familiar with.
then met with my aunt and and we all had vegetarian dinner together.
i love the food there, remembered i used to go there three yrs ago.
hahas
then we went to aunt's hse to stay for another two days.
the next day went shoppingagain.
we spent the whole day to walk ard the whole mall.
and their movie tickets are sooooo cheap! 8 RM!
siao.
very cold but comfortable enought.
watched prince caspian.
nice, quite touching too.
had vegetarian dinner too.
hahas, quite nice.
then went back home..
had a nice slp.
fifth day,.
took a cab to grandma's hse.
1 hour plus ride!
slept during the journey, its so warm!
reached grandma's hse, finally!
i missed the place!
saw my cousins one after the other.hahas, talked and watched tv all day long.. hahas
saw my niece too.
hhas, she'd grown up.
and still a poor little girl.
well, nvm, played a little with her..
the whole two days were great for me..
at night, my cousins brought me ard with their motorcycle!
hahas, its so cool.
went to the night market , walked ard..
kinda fun too.
then went home again.
hahas.
seventh day, prepared to get home.
really would miss the place real much okays!
hahas, im expecting myself to go back soon enough.
hahas, malaysia wait for me!
came back and kinda not used to life here.
cause its so stressful every now and then.
its so relaxed there, i just couldnt resist staying there.
nevermind.

school's starting reaaaaaalllllll sooon.
i hate it.
i hate it!!!
i'll just try to study, but kinda unwillingly..
right, still got lots of maths, and other hw wating for me.
and im still packed on sat and sun.
HOW!
i have no idea at all.
shit.
<3crashedlove.

2008-05-25T10:27:00.002+04:30

alright.
i have no idea what to blog about.
really!
anyway, i've got something to discuss with.
aha, brb!

2008-05-23T19:46:00.004+04:30

picture of the day:)
hahas, found it in the cd val gave to me,
with loads of pictures.
hahas,
everyone changed, and of course prettier!
hahas.
except me lahs okays.
but well, nvm.
got my results today.
ha oh ha.
i knew damn well how badly i did.
maybe i wasnt complacent.
maybe i just didnt put enough effort and i was so lazy!
i cant make procrastinate longer.
i've got to study more than this semester.
man, i know its gonna be tiring, with training and everything.
but its okay, you know, i've got my trip as a motivator, shopping with girlfriends and netball trainings as well as my all fresh just borrowed books.
hehe, cant wait to read them.
lols.
that all i guess.
shin, its not the end of everything.
we'll still buck up together!
:}

breathing love.
<3

2008-05-22T18:14:00.002+04:30

today's actually the last day of school.
hmm, yay. i've been waiting man!
hahas, so finally i can sleep late and wake up later than usual.
getting my report book tomorrow.
im so nervous.
although kinda knew how im managing currently.
and okays, honestly was kinda glad.
i didnt want to compare either.
went out with shin after lunch with her and gracie
to this robinson's sale at expo.
hahas, its like a huge shop of robinson's stuff.
and its cheaper by a lot!
but yeah some are still expensive.
managed to buy a little something.
hahas, great, at least something lahs.
hahas, i'll try to convince my mum there.
anyway, i volunteered for the sec2 camp.
i wanna go to the same place again.
please let me and grace and chia hui and val go.
but didnt see ck and melvin.
i really missed camp!
really really.
can they just come and visit us?
omg, everything just felt different with those unfamiliar faces of the instructors.
i should have really treasured the moments when im with them.
nostalgia. again.
why does it always come to me in this miserable manner, like a little tiny bit of hope for time to go back and this bloody disppointment that knocked me back to reality cause i know it'll never ever happen.
its not just the camp.
things that i regret doing and not doing just constantly flood at the back of my mind,
and only time would heal it unless some miracle would just turn things better. and if only ''if only'' happens.
sometimes, i feel that i've really tried hard to ignore things although i really want them to happen.
sometimes i feel like just breaking through that door that refuse to be truthful.
sometimes, i start to question myself, its that what i really want.
many times, im being so obstinate and stubborn, i have to appear indifferent.
i know just looking away wouldnt be much of help,
but i just couldnt find anything else to replace that.
i know it just ended up stacking all of these negatives together.
tying all those knots inside.
but they've became me.
i guess i'll feel hollow without the presence.
what to do? i have to live with it.

pairing love.
<3

2008-05-19T17:15:00.002+04:30

oh hello people.
just slacking already!
hahas
urm, firstly i got my results and it wasnt assuring.
especially those that i was kinda expecting better grades were slightly disappointing.
alright, so i passed all subjects except for english, im not sure whether i did for overall.
aha, but hopefulylahs.
just something highly then a c6 wouldnt be difficult right?
brrrrrrrr.
okays, will talk about sat's gathering first.
urm, three of us went to the gym and yeah, burnt a few calories.
then bathed and went to tm to pack lunch at shin's hse.
hahas, found lots of gooood stuff at her hse!
skincare products and relevant books!
hair to skin!
omg.
we actually watched this movie on this channel and its kinda sweet.
watched and ate at the same time.
after which we went to steam our face.
hahas, to remove the toxics in our face, expecially mine!
felt really good.
grace tried too, the skin felt soft and smooth lahs.
gosh, if only i have one at home.
nevermind, then after that we watched kungfu dunk again, but it was still as funny and nice.
and after that it was already late.
shin gotta eat dinner with family, so grace and i went for clothes and assesories searching,
after that shin joined us.
hahas, we tried on clothes and uhhuh, nothing really got me soooo in love with.
but grace fell in love with her striped cardigan.
hmm not bad, it looked nice and feminine on her, she was so determined to own one.
hahas.
alright, then we waked around and it was like kinda late already, the shops were closing soon.
:(i was panicking a little.
hahas, so decided i should get a little someting and bought ear rings.
hahas, my very first pair of ear rings.
kinda unworth it. lols.
if you know what i meant.
i bought one thats so cheap and nice one today.
lols.
okays, back to that, so we went home cause its kinda late already.
went to cousin's wedding yesterday.
yeah, when they say the most beautiful moment of a woman is when she gets married,
i tell you, its sooooooooo true.
the bride looked stunning in any and every angle.
ohh, hahas, my cousin was kinda goodlooking too.
hahas, as usual ate good stuff too.
yumyum.
oh, and we took pictures with bride and groom.
the photograher was a damn funny guy.
oh yeah,i talked to my nieces and some cousins too.
i just loved one of my niece. she's soo bloody cute alright.
so bubbly and active and kinda mischievious.
the last tme i met her was during cny and she still remembered.
she's only p1!
she even gave a a hug before she left.
omg, im missing her now!
just kinda happy that i got to catch up with relatives.
its a pretty good feeling.
hahas.
and went home..
oh, and i was secretly hoping for a guy like my cousin?
hahas, the couple looked really sweet!
SOOO HOPE THEY'll LAST!

today went out with shin and grace again.grace bought her cardigan, haha!
we really had no idea to go and didnt want to stay in tamp.
and finally decided on amk!
hahas, took 22 there and reached after this 1hr long ride.
argh!
luckily i've got tvmobile to entertain me, if not i'll be dead bored!
hahas, we reached there, and totally regreted going there.
its damn cold there, and only managed to have tea together.
really decided to leave there until we went down to basement1.
i tell you, this mall is seriously werid okays!
all the nice shop is at b1 lahs.
hahas, so we finally got three pairs of ear rings each!
hahas, kinda happy.
and ater that wet home, cause shin's kinda rushing.
but really, it was a start and fun.
then we talked about our future plans for shopping and so on. of course with val!
yeah, just cant wait.
really wanna go overseas shopping and tanning together!
hahas!

ooohh.
cant wait man.
alright, i wanna go eat my mango liao.
byes!
i wanna save and start shopping!

screaming love!
<3

2008-05-10T06:45:00.003+04:30

good saturday morning everyone.

yes. you and i both are aware that exams are finally over!

okay, its not all of them actually.

but who cares you know!

just maths exercise and listening compre left, which is not a big deal actually.

yeah, i really did studied for these few days lahs.

and wake up earlier in the morning for last minute revisions.

so, well i just hope i can do better than a mere passing mark.

well, i shall say for all papers.

because i studied quite hard okays!

alright.

okays, finally could take a rest unlike the last few days.

hahas, i borrowed shopaholic and baby!

omg, i know its a bit later than i wanted to.

but its really a nice and hilarious book and the characters are just so sweet.

how i wish there was a real kind of guy like that.

so anyway, yeah. i dont really know what to blog about too.

oh ya, ms idzhana said i passed my english free writing, but just border-lined.

and im so bloody glad ya, although i could do better if i didnt make the mistake.

damn, okays i know thisis boring.

okays, friday was only me and shin's day.

lols, quite fun.

after maths paper, went back to tampines and had long-time-no-eat-oily breakfast.

yeah, we used to eat that after the exams last year.

missed the times!

alright.. urm yeah. so after that we walked around tm and cs and it was boring!

lols.

yeah, went to shin's hse to watch stepup2.

hahas, the movie was really not bad.

then listened to songs and chat about random stuffs and went home.

hahas, thats about itt.

isnt it boring?

argh.

kays nvm, gotta go get ready.

EX2E1 GATHERING TODAY!

hopefully its fun!

alright. some pictures here.

my artistic shots.

hahas, a bit too out of boredom.

but you dont like then dont see lorhs.

lols.

nice right!

>__<

screaming love.

2008-05-03T19:35:00.002+04:30

yes i am blogging!
hahas, i do make it a point to blog once in a while.
if im busy.
yeah, midyear is already half way on its journey
and i am trying to strive hard for to concentrate and study hard.
and not get easily distracted like that.
yeah, just like wad jw said bout me.
sorry, but its hard you know!
well so anyway, friday's papers were quite difficult.
i dont expect too much from english, its so hard to understand, but just wanna see some improvements lahs.
maybe a 27 would be good enough. at least not just pass lahs.
for ss, it was unassuring too.
dont really think can score well.
but more than a pass would be necessary.
i dont care.
i studied quite hard for it even though i did had more fun.
but, the point is i studied.
so yes.
no failing and no border lined passing mark.
puhhh-lease.

studied with girlfriends on thurday; labour day.
indeed it is.
saw many people there.
hahas.
didnt quite managed to concentrate.
walked around in airport terminal3.
was a huge place there.
design was not bad.
and high class.
wow, the demand is really high man.
singapore's economy is getting better and better.
this rising that rising.
living cost has been increasing as well.
i am so worried for my parents, honestly.
its hard to be seeing them struggling to get a living and support the family.
sorry, dont mean to be including family stuff here but just cant help it.
yeah, cause im sure this is so normal in most families.
yeah, so i wish for the stress to be lesser for mum and pap for work and me and sisters and friends for school work.
urgh, seriously how can life be worst?
from the time you're young til you grow up.
you always have to worry about something.
hopefully things can easier for everything.
oh i beg for that.

okays so back to the subject.
dinnered at so kopitiam where its flooded with people and expensive-unworthed-it-food.
should have ate somewhere else.
so much for healthy and food and waiting for seats.
but outing with girlfriends was fun.
a get together session.
hahas.
today studied with shin and gracie.
met at tmart.
didnt go gym!
yes, again. was kinda lazy but desperately wanted to lose weight also.
i really wished i was half anorexic.
cause maybe i will just regain my appetite and eat all i want without bloody worrying.
man, this just suck!
kays, so didnt go to the gym.
and piled on my fats instead.
went to the macdonalds and bought fries from some other coffee shop.
how ironic.
but yes, thats called wise spending cause there's more portions!
hahas.
studied there, but got distracted by food, qns and talking.
hahas, inevitable.
really want to shop!
im saving okays.
im so gonna make it to shopping no matter what.
its been so long since im so motivated to go shopping with girlfriends especially!
gosh, we'll just go trying and gossip and woah.
i just cant wait for all the pampering and indulgeness.
omg, it sucks to think of examinations!
damn, im back to reality.
cause, although i really wanna shop,
just felt weird to be wearing something i dont really wear , at all?
get what i mean?
hmm.
and im super flabby!
havent sport for quite some time.
cause of exams again!
have to wear sleeveless for streetgames somemore.
shave somemore!
so mafan.
skills should be like shit now.
anyway, my skills are half shitty already lahs.
wanna jog and sweat and scream and cry and laugh and read and play netball for 6 hrs~!
lols.
i can donate my fats to the anorexic.
anybody?
okays, this is getting so random.
anyways, reserved the whole day tomorrow for studying!
i am so motivated.
i hope.
yes, mother-tongue paper on monday.
e-maths paper on tesday.
physics and geog down the list.
and i know its not gonna be easy peasy.
i dont wanna let my class down.
im already a disgrace.
and i wouldnt be another!

okays. thats all. just wanna type all i want.
because i want to resist the force pulling my towards the computer.
i am always spending and wasting time on it.
yes, so i shall stp here.
repel me, compy!

`full devotion to studies.
SO NOT GONNA BE A NERD! :]

Damn shit.

2008-04-27T12:00:00.002+04:30

yeah.
i know i shouldnt start complaining about my mistake.
and like keep going on and on.
i have to move on i guess.
eh, shall just study hard for the other subjects to make up for it.
argh.
having a damn headache.
cant study well though.

cant concentrate well.
but hey-yoooo, im still gonna study alright.
yeah, finish the 8-pages-emaths paper yesterday and today.
hahas, at least something.
oh yah, went to jet's hse yesterday.
didnt jog in the end.
studied a little, bitch about people, catched devil wears prada dvd, and dinnered.
walked around with gracie for a while.
and went home.
was quite all right actually.
but didnt really manage to study a lot, cause you know.
distracted easily.
just watched bring it on-in it to win it.
not bad, all hot people.
hahas.
alright. gotta go back to my study routine.
just having a break yeah.
im gonna face them, unafraid.

smell the love.
:D

First paper tomorrow!

2008-04-24T15:06:00.003+04:30

goooodness.
yeah, you should have know what i am talking about.
yes, its mid year!
i am sooooo very nervous for english paper.
it's been my weakness all the while.
i just cant seem to stop panicking.
especially free writing.
its making me mad.
im always lost when i receive the qns.
no ideas, and i'll be like stucked there, no inspirations at all.
okays, so anyway, i did like 2 free writing and 1 situational writing this week, plus tomorrow, its like 5 in total!
lols.
if you wanna include chinese, hahas.
so maybe you shouldnt.
argh, practice is good.
and i really wanna see results.
sooo please!
alright, so maybe im gonna read a little of other's composition, revise format for chinese and english letter writing, learn a few new words and maybe write a compo to practice.
hope it works!

hahas, monday was alright. oh, and i should blog this.
jet sat beside me and we talked about the fashion stuff.
and she showed me her sketch book where she actually design inside!
fashion clothes of course. and they were really good!
and her shoes and everything.
really tempted to design as well.
hahas.
she said she would teach us too! haha, looking foward.><
oh, and we talked about dresses and that the type i liked.
and she say she chose one of the outfit she design for me.
and i chose one also.
hahas, and weesiang say the most he could imagine me wearing a dress
would be that i will just end up looking like a indo maid!
cause with the puffy sleeves and everything. hahas.
omgoodness, i know what he means, cause i think so too.
hahas.
ohh, and confided smething that had always been bugging me since a period of time.
felt better, like AS THOUGH there 're no more secrets.
yeah, feels better now.
and i truly hope there wouldnt be anymore misunderstandings, and that we would just be open to each other ya:}}
and spend more time together cause, we're kinda busy although we're still in the same school just beside each other's class.
and MYE are just few inches away from us.
okay, whatever it is.
anyway im really really gonna concentrate on studyies and try to ignore certain things.
i have to be strong, so do you!
everyone who's reading this. you must had have a lot of problems, but yes. listen to some music and love your life.
be strong. :)
and smile to yourself, talk to yourself so you wont feel like you're doing all this alone.
your life is just like a self directed movie.
if not just cry all you want, release yourself and there are no boundaries.
just cry and let it out.
yes. i mean it okays.
hahas, study hard!

cant wait for gym, studying with on pretty saturday.
good results and shopping and some pampering are my motivation for after the mye!
girls, i cant wait man!

spread the love.